Saturday, March 28, 2009

Focus on the Fundies: Haggard refuses to go away

Though he dropped off the radar for a few months after the excruciating HBO broadcast of the documentary film about him, former evangelical leader Ted Haggard is back in the news pages of the Colorado Springs Gazette, which continues to cover him the way the FBI tails former KGBers in the U.S. Included in the latest visit with the disgraced megachurch ringmaster is a scolding and eventual forgiveness by a former church member, as well as the news that Haggard and his wife are appearing on an upcoming episode of the TV show Divorce Court. Yes! And it's a two part episode, starting appropriately enough on April Fools Day. Behold!




I'll pause while you pick your jaw up off the floor.

Oh, and he's going to begin guest-preaching at Colorado Springs megachurches, billed as "a Christian businessman," a nod to his current supposed career as insurance salesman. And thus begins his real rehabilitation -- not the one he supposedly underwent soon after his outing that supposedly turned him back into a heterosexual, but the one that will inevitably return him to the only job he can do: evangelical preacher.

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Recent posts on SF Metblogs

  • Albany's Little League parade
  • Emeryville's Borders bookstore goes downhill
  • SF wins again in "imposing its agenda" on auslanders
  • Wednesday, March 25, 2009

    Stephanie, 10 years on



    It's the tenth anniversary of Stephanie's death. Here she is in Boulder, October of 1995, holding up a grasshopper. She was thrilled with any interactions with wildlife.

    Tuesday, March 24, 2009

    'Emo jacket' should appear to makers of pr0n

    German electronics company Philips Electronics has announced an "Emo jacket" that is "meant to let you more closely immerse yourself in the experiences" of characters in a DVD you're watching. The jacket is fitted with 64 thingies -- all right, "actuators" -- that are intended to give the wearer the sensation of being tapped in the spot on their body nearest the thingy. A radio receiver will receive signals encoded on the DVD and activate the thingies in whatever pattern the programmer has programmed.

    For example, it is supposed to give you the sensation of having a "chill up your spine." I wonder what the German word is for that. On second thought, I don't want to know.

    The story on C|Net suggests the obvious implications for porn, saying that at this point there are no plans to ship a matching pair of pants. But once the technoogy has been invented, it's only a matter of time, of course -- I'm guessing the Japanese will get right on it -- before you'll be able to watch porn with no hands.

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    Saturday, March 21, 2009

    Oregon trip

    I'm visiting my mother in suburban Portland, Ore., and today we went to nearby Oregon City where there is a cool waterfall and even cooler "municipal elevator" that looks like something left over from a 1950s Worlds Fair. Click the picture to go to a photoset.

    On the way back we recrossed the Willamette River via Canby Ferry, a little six-car ferry that crosses the river in a couple of minutes. Here's a map of the location. I used my digital camera to take this video:


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    Tuesday, March 17, 2009

    Whining for dollars

    When I wrote up a little piece on whining writers for The Rumpus, there was one article I couldn't find that I wanted to link to. In today's listing of deals on Publisher's Marketplace, I got reminded:
    Professor X's IN THE BASEMENT OF THE IVORY TOWER, about the vagaries of teaching English 101 and 102 at a college of last resort -- based on a popular Atlantic Monthly piece chosen by David Brooks for a Stanley Award, to Joy de Menil at Viking Penguin, for publication in March 2011...
    Yeah... that was in The Atlantic last year. Pretty much a gloss on Lynn Fried's infamous 2005 piece in Harpers, Doing Time: My Years in the Creative Writing Gulag, only about teaching freshman English instead of creative writing, the Atlantic piece was another in the parade of whining by people who consider themselves above their jobs and the students (or readers) who are their audience.

    I wonder why they are taking two full years to bring out the book, though.

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    Sunday, March 15, 2009

    World to end sooner than expected

    Slowing of the Atlantic Ocean current and other stuff will drown East Coast U.S. cities twice as fast as other places around the world.

    Hey future -- sorry about that!

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    Saturday, March 14, 2009

    Focus on the Fundies: Obama not the Anti-Christ, authors decide

    The authors of the "Left Behind" series of Christianist novels have announced they do not think Barack Obama is the Anti-Christ.

    The frightening thing is that some people might have been waiting for that word from them. And what if they had said the opposite?

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    Wednesday, March 11, 2009

    Morning Prayer

    Yesterday there was a coincidentally large number of people at the Morning Prayer service at St. Gregory's which I attend and help lead, and one of the visitors found it a felicitous experience. He was lucky to encounter more than half a dozen people. This morning we were down to three again. But whether we have two people or a dozen, it's always a nice way to start the day. Every weekday at 8:00 a.m. (except Good Friday, when there's a morning service anyway).

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    Tuesday, March 10, 2009

    Focus on the Fundies: Obscure minister predicts calamity

    Courtesy John Burton, that manic Christian "prophecy" guy I link to from time to time for laughs, here's another "minister" with an "urgent message" about "AN EARTH-SHATTERING CALAMITY ... SO FRIGHTENING, WE ARE ALL GOING TO TREMBLE."
    For ten years I have been warning about a thousand fires coming to New York City. It will engulf the whole megaplex, including areas of New Jersey and Connecticut. Major cities all across America will experience riots and blazing fires -- such as we saw in Watts, Los Angeles, years ago. There will be riots and fires in cities worldwide. There will be looting -- including Times Square, New York City. What we are experiencing now is not a recession, not even a depression. We are under God's wrath. ... If possible lay in store a thirty-day supply of non-perishable food, toiletries and other essentials.
    Yes, when the righteous tremble, at least they will have a thirty-day supply of toilet paper. I'd love to see their shopping lists, actually. Imagine what's on them.

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    Monday, March 09, 2009

    Teaching, sex and death

    Great post by Sirenita Lake on Open Salon, about a near-death experience.
    I reviewed the options. It was 2:00 a.m. I was very alone. I could bang on the neighbors' door, but the neighbors were porn actors who appeared to be under-resourced in the brain department. I imagined myself doing the universal "I'm choking" gesture and them assuming I was dying to perform a blowjob.

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    Friday, March 06, 2009

    The new economic reality, part XVLII

    To the pictures of shell-shocked laid-off workers add this story from the LA Times (courtesy Valleywag). The lede sums it up:
    Sitting in a bare cubicle, with her reading glasses perched halfway down her nose and typing away on a laptop she'd brought from home, Lois Draegin looked a bit like the extra adult wedged in at the kids' table at Thanksgiving. This accomplished magazine editor lost her six-figure job at TV Guide last spring and is now, at 55, an unpaid intern at wowOwow.com, a fledgling website with columns and stories that target accomplished women older than 40.
    Even more compelling is the picture that runs atop the article, showing an already-exhausted Draegin being helped, no doubt for the 68th time, by a patient, fetching young blond.

    The telling detail in the lede is the "empty cube." For me it evokes every unwanted, dusty spare cubicle into which I've been plopped as a temp or a contractor -- that and the picture showing the spiral notebook next to the keyboard, in which the new intern has undoubtedly written at the top her username, password, and the first of several URLs and directory names where things are stored.

    Of course, it's sadder not to have a job at all -- even that unpaid one.

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    Spam I'm not opening today

    Ostensibly from "ROBERT S MUELLER III (FBI DIRECTOR)," an email with the subject "GOOD NEWS FROM THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION.(FBI)"

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    Tuesday, March 03, 2009

    The corporate life: excitement division

    One of the VPs at work sends around the news that management has taken to referring to "fiscal year 2010" as "FX." How annoying is that? Just a little less annoying than someone referring to 2010 as "oh-ten," which I've already been hearing.

    In the same "newsletter" they're holding a contest to pick the new name for the internal document repository website. To generate excitement, "the person who submitted the winning name gets $100. Cash. In this economy, cash can be useful." Yes, but I thought the problem was that there's not enough credit. Whatever. You know what would be really exciting? Give another $100 to a random person who votes for the winner. Now that would inspire everyone to vote.

    Finally, they offer the news that our division of the company will now be posting updates on Twitter, the better to "keep you abreast of product and customer news, expert commentary, bylined articles, podcasts, blog posts, speaking engagements, trade shows, and more." The only problem? Twitter is blocked throughout the company by IT.

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    Monday, March 02, 2009

    A recognisable voice by any other name is, for a comic, shtick

    To a short article about the premiere of Woody Allen's next film, online editors added a link to a supposed diary Allen kept during the shooting of his recent, Oscar-nominated "Vicky Cristina Barcelona." A typical excerpt:
    July 15 -- Once again I had to help Javier with the lovemaking scenes. The sequence requires him to grab Penélope Cruz, tear off her clothes and ravish her in the bedroom. Oscar winner that he is, the man still needs me to show him how to play passion. I grabbed Penélope and with one motion tore her clothes off. As fate would have it she had not yet changed into costume, so it was her own expensive dress I mutilated. Undaunted I flung her down before the fireplace and dove on top of her. Minx that she is, she rolled away a split second before I landed causing me to fracture certain key teeth on the tile floor. Fine day's work, and I should be able to eat solids by August.
    Of course, none of this so-called diary has anything to do with what happened during the shooting of the film. It's merely a promotional device, something you could see Allen sitting down and writing in the space of a few cab rides in Manhattan. Still, it's undeniably his voice, and you can't read it without hearing him -- the same kinds of jokes, phrases and pacing he's been using for nearly 50 years -- in other words, his shtick.

    It's not that I don't harbor some admiration for it, it's that I wonder whom it's supposed to impress. Is anyone reading that piece naive enough to say to themselves, "Gosh, it's the same ol' Woody we have known and loved since 'Take the Money and Run.' I'm putting 'Vicky Cristina' on my Netflix queue straight off"? In order to have that reaction, the reader would have to have missed the last 12 years or so of Allen's career, which has been underwater since, at least, "Everyone Says I Love You."

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    Sunday, March 01, 2009

    'This is what you guys have come up with?'

    In the March 2 New Yorker, Ariel Levy turns in a massively entertaining portrait of a group of lesbian separatists of the 1960s and 70s, the "Van Dykes," so called because they all bought vans and went on the road, and because they all took "Van Dyke" as a last name. A now sixty-ish protagonist, whom the reporter calls "the last of the Van Dykes," reminds the reporter not once but twice that she is disappointed in her, the reporter's, generation and their version of what it means to be a lesbian.
    "I don't want a wife," she told me. "I want sometbody that I can run around with, like Batman and Robin, you know? ... Your generation wants to fit in," she told me for the second time. "Gays in the military and gay marriage? This is what you guys have come up with?" There was no contempt in her voice; it was something else -- an almost incredulous maternal disappointment. "We didn't sit around looking at our phone or looking at our computer or looking at the television -- we didn't sit around looking at screens," she said. "We didn't wait for a screen to give us a signal to do something. We were off doing whatever we wanted."
    That is the end of the article, but at the bottom of the column is printed in small type:
    NEWYORKER.COM
    An audio interview with Ariel Levy
    I haven't listened to it, but I get the palpable sense that after that scolding, the reporter -- born in 1974 -- will be only too happy to put in her two cents. That being said, she is a staff writer for the New Yorker -- it's not like she's some housewife with deferred dreams who hasn't done anything with her life.

    But I do sympathize with the article's subject. Though I was much more one who, in the 1970s and 80s, did "sit around waiting for a screen to give a signal to do something" than I was a bold actor, I've shared the sense that the goals of generations X, Y and Z are somewhat paltry compared to the dreams of mine. We really did believe that by the time we reached our parents' age (i.e. now) we would see viable alternatives to capitalist institutions. Instead, we're splitting hairs over digital copyright issues, pretend "carbon offset credits," and even more ephemeral things like online identities and whether our airline frequent flier miles will ever be worth anything.

    To sum up my generation's pitiful state, I offer this squib from another magazine, the back page of The Atlantic for March, where a columnist asks people to coin neologisms -- that's the whole conceit of the column. A reader writes in:
    Often my wife and I will decide to watch a DVD, and then she will delay coming to sit down, thereby subjecting me to the repeat-loop sounds and visuals of the DVD's main menu. What the word or phrase for this interminable experience?" -- David K. Prince, Lansdowne, Pa.
    I have only two words for you, Mr. Prince, the epitome of a man who "sits around waiting for a screen to give you the signal to do something": kill yourself. Preferably in the Grand Canyon, at Niagara Falls, or in some other way that your wife won't have to clean it up.

    'Can't let New York win'

    A New York teacher lost her memory and disappeared for three weeks before being fished out of the river near Staten Island. Tempted to start her life afresh in another city, she decided instead:
    "I didn't want my life to change in such a way that the things I enjoy I couldn't enjoy anymore," she said. "It was just, I can't let New York win."
    So while she suspects that some aspect of her life in New York triggered the "dissociative fugue state" she suffered, she feels that leaving the city would equal a sort of defeat. I understand her completely.