For another

In Matthew 11: 2-6, John the Baptist sends his disciples to ask Jesus, "Are you the one we were told to expect, or are we to look for another?" It's a poignant moment. Though John has, in moments of inspiration, proclaimed Jesus as the Messiah and as "the Lamb of God," Jesus' recent actions have John wondering. Jesus hasn't been gathering a guerilla force to fight against the Romans; he's been hanging out with prostitutes and tax collectors and healing the sick. That's the message Jesus sends back, too, essentially telling John, "What you see is what you get."

After John's disciples depart, Jesus does a little stand-up comedy for the crowd. "What did you go out into the wilderness to look at? A reed shaken by the wind? What then did you go out to see? Someone dressed in soft robes? Look, those who wear soft robes are in royal palaces. What then did you go out to see? A prophet?" You can see the crowd laughing and going, "No, no, no... Hey wait, we did go out to see a prophet!"

Jesus answers, "Yeah, and what a prophet" -- I'm paraphrasing there -- and tells them that despite the fact that John is a great prophet, "the least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he." And then goes on to describe this Kingdom of Heaven in terms of a mustard seed, a woman who finds a coin that was lost, and other clear-as-mud metaphors.

He really knew how to fuck with people.

Advent is all about anticipating the coming of Christ, while at the same time recognizing that Christ is already among us, having come in the person of Jesus. Yet even while Jesus was among them, his followers weren't sure who he was. Because he wasn't acting the way they expected the Messiah to act, they thought, "Man, maybe this ain't him after all." And Jesus responds by saying, "No, this is exactly what I came to do -- heal the sick, preach the good news, and, incidentally, confound all your expectations."

So I have to look at my own expectations for myself. What the hell am I doing? My practice of daily prayer is completely trashed. I haven't written a word on my novel for more than six months. I can barely manage to keep my own house out of complete chaos, and I bounced my mortgage check. Yet I expect myself to do all these things well. All I can say is, I hope my failures put me among the "poor in spirit," because I sure haven't healed any sick people lately. (Cris is recovering from knee surgery mostly without my help; my main contribution is to serve her tea.)

In this dillema, Christ comes into my life in two ways: Christ shows me the way, and at the same time, accompanies me. I know what to do; despite his oracular tone, Jesus was actually very clear about how people should conduct their lives. I know I have to have patience and compassion in dealing with the world. I know I'll never do enough, or even be patient enough. But I am more so when I recognize that Christ is already here, accompanying me.