Another note for clear writing

It's always important to write clearly and concisely, as these jokers now realize:

South Bend Tribune, 11 Sep 03

Men botch robbery after arguing;
Demanding note confuses clerk

MISHAWAKA -- Two would-be robbers who tried to hit up [sic -- "hit up"?] a 7-Eleven store early Tuesday left the West Douglas Road store empty handed after feuding with each other when a clerk couldn't understand the intent of a threatening note.

A clerk at the store told Mishawaka police that the two males entered the store at 910 W. Douglas Road at about 4:30 a.m., selected several items and carried them to the checkout counter.

She said the two men lingered in the store for several minutes before deciding what to buy.

After approaching the counter, one of the men, a 5-foot-5 thinly built white man with dark short hair, said he needed to retrieve money from his car and left the store. The second man, also white, 5-foot-7, with a medium build, short blond hair and a mustache, followed the first man outside.

The clerk said the two men spent about five minutes talking outside before re-entering the store.

When the two approached the counter, the shorter man had a checkbook in his hand and asked the clerk for a pen, police reports said.

The man then allegedly handed the clerk his checkbook and written on a carbon-copy of a check were the words: "put it in the bag." Below the words was another phrase that the clerk vaguely remembered as a threat that the two will come after her.

The clerk, who was apparently confused by the men's actions and didn't comprehend the "put it in the bag" command, replied to the shorter man, "What is this?"

The man responded that he didn't know because his buddy wrote the note.

The clerk told police the men began to argue over the note and left the store. The clerk heard the taller man angrily tell his companion that he was not getting "into the car."

The taller man apparently changed his mind and both left in the vehicle, heading west on Douglas Road in a dark-colored Suzuki, possibly a Sidekick.

Mishawaka police said they believe the two robbers have struck before, on Sept. 6. Police said descriptions of the men, similar food items left on the counter, and an identical note handed to a clerk at a 7-Eleven store at 1302 Milburn Blvd. last Saturday resemble the latest botched robbery attempt.

Police said in the Sept. 6 holdup, the two men successfully ordered the clerk to put money into a bag before leaving. But one of the men allegedly left behind a Mountain Dew, and a can of the soda was also left at the counter during the attempted robbery on West Douglas road.

There are several things I love about that story. First, the 5'7" man is described as "the taller man" (emphasis mine). How often does that happen? Second, the note was the same as one used in an earlier 7-Eleven holdup, but that one was successful -- which leads you to wonder, was the first note clearer, or was the first clerk just smarter -- or dumber, depending on how you look at it. Third, they had to borrow a pen to write their stickup note with. Considering how helpful the clerk must have been, it's a wonder he didn't try to help them write the note. And finally, these guys apparently start eating and drinking during their heist -- then leave the grub behind.

I can just see this happening at the l.n.c.b. "Sure, here's a pen -- and while you're writing that note, would you like to sign up for our email newsletter?"

Last night at the l.n.c.b. I freaked out my fellow employees when I revealed my age. It happened when a middle-aged woman -- that is, about my age -- asked a clerk next to me whether Aqualung or Thick as a Brick would be more appropriate for her 16-year-old. This led to me mentioning that the first time I heard Thick as a Brick I was 16 myself, and it was playing at the graduation party for an older student; we spent much of the party just grokking the album's faux-newspaper LP cover and insert and wondering what it had to do with the record. "You were 16 when this album came out??" my co-worker asked. "How old are you?" When I said I was 47, another clerk blurted out, "That's how old my mother is!"

He's cute, too. I'll bet his mother's really hot.