Greet the brand new day

Yes, we're all sick by now of the Jessica Lynch media blitz, but the Salon article by Eric Boehlert provides excellent analysis and wrapup. It answers the question, How do warmongers feel about Lynch now that she's saying things like "The Army used me"? How did Lynch keep from being manipulated by ABC interviewer Diane Sawyer? And best of all, what is the connection between Lynch and Paris Hilton? (The answers to the last question are multiple, including the fact that they're now each best-known for grainy, spooky-green video appearances.)

In case you missed the Paris Hilton mania -- now fading -- that was the talk of the blogosphere for the last ten days, here's a quick recap. Heirress Paris -- heir to the Hilton fortune, celebutante of the year, and nascent television star -- performed raucous sex with her boyfriend, on tape, a few years ago. The tape has gotten out, as tapes have a way of doing, and now lawsuits are being flung back and forth, even as cynics suggest the whole thing is just publicity for her upcoming television show.

So let's run it down:

                Lynch        Hilton

                -----        ------

hair            blonde       blonde

net worth       $500K        $500M

video:

  quality       grainy       grainy

  distribution  television   internet

  subject       war          sex

exploited by    war machine  Hollywood

victim quotient high         zilch

future          physical     psycho- 

  outlook         therapy      therapy

 

So why do I love the internet? Because of the way it allows us to bring together these two seemingly
disparate figures, the children of Disney and Coca-Cola.

But reflect: Nowadays if you are a filthy rich, slender young woman, you go on TV as someone posts your sex tapes on the internet. Thirty-five years ago, John Lennon would have written a song about you. (I was reminded of this a few days ago when a Texas millionaire who knows Prudence Farrow was aquitted of murder, and now Farrow is said to be in possible danger.) Just another reason why it's hell to be a member of Generation Y.