Conservatives breed more

Conservatives have 19 percent more children than do liberal parents, a survey concludes. The actual numbers are: conservatives have 208 children for every 147 borne by liberals.

That's no surprise. Conservatives don't use abortion, and their "family friendly values" prize reproducing. It's better for the economy, they think, and basically they simply have nothing better to do, while liberals are more likely to be doing something interesting with their lives.

Besides, I'll be there are plenty of children being born to liberals single parents that aren't getting counted.

Doesn't worry me too much. Just compare American Roman Catholics in the mid 20th century with Catholics today. Sixty years ago they were incredibly influential and having babies like crazy. Today half of all Catholics -- and the proportion of Catholics has dropped, I'll bet, though I can't find stats at the moment -- marry non-Catholics. Catholic churches are closing, they're having incredible trouble finding people to go into the priesthood, and their influence (despite the strange fact that more than half of the justices on the U.S. Supreme Court are Roman Catholics) has flagged.

So not only will many of the spawn of conservatives rebel against their suburban upbringings and become shaved-head vegan punk rockers, but Mormonism -- which spurs much childbearing, according to the story -- will someday soon become discredited, because -- let's face it -- even for a religion, it's pretty ridiculous.