The best thing in the world today

The best thing today is Kim Jung Il's weblog.

Dear diary. Bush still doesn’t ‘get it.’ I tried making my feelings clear but he’s too busy ignoring me, he is such a jerk. Everything in his life is just Saddam, Saddam, Saddam and I am sick of it.

On the plus side, I think my hair looked pretty good today. Also I went frolicking at Paektu Mountain and the rainbow came out again. After dinner some of my subjects sang me a song because I invented Outer Space.

I was going to write a satirical "secret diary of Elizabth Smart." It went something like this:

Day 1  Kidnapped by smelly wacko and taken to a campsite. The guy is this religious nutcase, one of those Mormon polygamists. I used to wonder about them, that maybe they weren't so bad, maybe the church was supressing them because they were really right or something. But if this guy is anything typical, I can see why they got outlawed. He took me to a campsite and fed me marshmallows.    Day 2 The marshmallows ran out and I said I wanted to go home. But I stayed when he said he had Mary-Kate and Ashley videos. He did, too. And he has a TV. But there is no electricity in a tent. Booooring!     Day 57 On the road with Emanuel and Sister Wanda. Emanuel will only stop at Arby's because he says he wants to get me an Oven Mitt toy. I told him I didn't want the stupid toy but when he gets these ideas there's no talking him out of it. Wanda commented, "ixjjjrex hittksell arrrccghh."

I didn't have enough time to do that, unfortunately. It would be funny, though. If you did it right.