Transition period

Now I have informed my part-time job at the church that I'm leaving, and people are calling to tell me I've done a good job. That's nice. I realized yesterday that it's been a long time since I've left a job voluntarily. Not counting a contract in 1999 that I decided not to renew, it's been since 1998 that I actually resigned from a permanent job. Usually I just get laid off.

Next week will be my last week at the church, where I work Monday through Thursday. So my first day working full time at my new software job will be Friday Oct. 8. I will be a contractor for a while, until they figure I actually can do the job; then they'll convert me.

In the meantime I'm going down there in my "spare" time once in a while. I went down on Monday evening for a meeting, and I'll go down again for most of the day on Friday, and probably on Saturday too.

At the same time, I'm trying to wrap up the HTML project I worked on over the summer, as well as put out a new issue of the church newsletter I edit -- not the church I work at, but one I attend. That's what I'm really doing in my "spare" time before this new job really gets going.

Okay then

I went last night down to my new job. I'm going to spend some of my time down there when I'm not at the church secretary job which I'm leaving. (I'm going to use the word "down" when referring to the location of my new job, since it is located south of here near Redwood City. It's not in the town itself so much as it is across the freeway and down along the bay. The actual location is in a smattering of office parks planted along bayfront sloughs.) I got there about 5:15 and got to work trying to download and install the company's products on the computer they gave me -- an anonymous PC running Windows 2000 Professional.

I'm lucky enough to have a low-traffic, window cube. Perhaps the window cubes are slightly looked down on; the geekiest guys have interior cubes where they won't be distracted by views of the parking lot or the building opposite. Right around twilight I glanced out the window and got a real optical illusion. Because the fog was rolling in and the sky had become grey, and because I knew the building was near water, when I looked out the window I thought I was looking at a stretch of water with woods beyond it. After several seconds, this pastoral view resolved into nothing more than another building in the office park. I had mistaken the grey of the concrete facade of the building for water reflecting the grey sky, and the green band of tinted windows for a forest. When I realized what I had really been looking at, I was disoriented, then I looked down to the left, beyond the other building, and saw real water, with a marina across the slough, not a forest. There's no forest by the bayside.

Perhaps my mind was harking back to the world of my teenage years, when we lived in a subdivision on a lake, with woods across the lake. I spend a lot of time telling how hellish that area was, but I always leave out the factor that preserved my sanity, which is that the suburb was, at that time, on the edge of development, and there were plenty of overgrown pastures and dense woods to wander in, and bayous and lakes in which to canoe. In fact, most of the woods have been preserved in a nature preserve, remarkable as it is to think that governments in Texas would preserve anything.

Lion's first roars

Today's SF Chronicle has a couple of pieces I read from start to finish, and only then I realized they involved the same person. First, this review of a new book, "Swollen," (great title!) by one Melissa Lion. I read the whole review and got particularly caught when the reviewer quoted one passage:

Consider this scene between her and her father, after she has gone home early because Farouk doesn't want to spend time with her. Her father is home early, too, and Samantha knows it is for a tryst outside of his relationship with Ruth, his pregnant live-in girlfriend:

" 'You look tired, Sam. Rest and tell Ruth that a client called. We're having a meeting.'

" 'I'll tell her a woman called. She won't be surprised; she won't even be hurt,' I said, sure that Ruth had been hurt in the past. ... He straightened his shoulders and pulled his sleeves to his wrists. I'd watched him do this in the mirror before going to work in the morning. It was his last moment to make sure he looked perfect -- as handsome as he knew he was. ...

" 'Are they all like you?' I asked him as he turned away from me.

"And he didn't even stop. Not even a pause to consider what he should tell his daughter. The girl sitting in a dark, cold room, home at a time she shouldn't be. He didn't even turn.

" 'All of them,' he said.''

Wow! What a great line. Only then did I look again at the info on the book, at the beginning of the review, and realized it's actually a YA novel.

Then I turned to the Magazine, where a humorous piece on a mysterious allergy turned out to be written by... Melissa Lion.

Turning to the internet, we find this profile; an excerpt from her book;and a mention in an article about the bookstore she works in expanding to southern California, in which it says Borders and B&N won't even carry her book.

You know, in the past, when I was faced with a scattershot introduction of an author like this, it turned me off. The author seemed too ubiquitous, too well-managed, like a new soap. But I sense no pretension here. I'm going to pick this book up.

Republican of the week

I just needed a reason to link to this policial cartoon by the Louisville Courier-Journal's Nick Anderson, showing Bush and Cheney watching flag-draped coffins being disgorged from a transport. You'll have to click on the link to see the caption. Priceless.

Almodovar-a-rama

The NY Times Magazine webpage has -- at least through today -- several features on the Spanish filmmaker Perdo Almodovar. Look on the left side of the page about halfway down. Includes several photos of his female actresses in a "portfolio." He has a new film, "Bad Education," but I don't think it's opened yet in the U.S.

Found a job

Yes indeed they actually gave me that job. Praise the fucking Lord on that one. Now all I have to do is do really well.

It may seem strange, but I actually am a really good employee. I don't think I've ever had an emotional investment in any of the products made by any of the companies I've worked for, but I still want to do a good job. I really do want things to go smoothly; it's why I'm so good at process stuff.

Sadly, they did not accede to my request that my user ID be Tom Danger, O. D. Garment, Rod Magnet or Dr. Montage. I will be boring old mpritchard.

Could it really be

It's looking good for the tech writing job in Redwood City. I'll know tomorrow. Meanwhile I'm already spending my new salary in my head. I guess I'm tired of making $14.60 an hour.

I was at the doctor yesterday. While I waited for the nurse to get off the phone, I heard her speaking to a prospective patient. "So your name again," she asked, "is Mr. Plato Wang??" Now that is an excellent name. Hong Kong Chinese really get into these nutty first names for boys. I've encountered men named Thorick, Lauffer and Ceasar. (Actually I don't know why I think it's a Hong Kong thing -- I guess because of the presumed British influence.)

You don't need a weatherman

Despite a new Bush ad comparing Kerry's windsurfing jaunts to "flip-flopping," the SF Chronicle found the flip-flopping charge is demonstrably false.

What I wonder is, just why has this flip-flopping theme ever gained traction in the first place? WHO CARES whether Kerry changed his mind on Iraq, Vietnam, or the designated hitter? Let's remember what's important: He's not Bush!

Fuck! The internet's still broken

At my day job, that is. Thus the far and few between posts. I rushed home during lunch, not to blog, but for the cat's sake.

I can offer this -- Evangelist Jimmy Swaggart apologizes after remark about 'killing' gay men. Seems the Christian evangelist often jokes about "killing people and telling God they're dead." "It's just an expression," he said. Sure, I get it. I use the expression "those fucking fundies" all the time too -- that doesn't mean I actually want to fuck them.

Suspiciously French

Is it a beret? Is it a pillowcase? A whoopee cushion? What is on that "eurosoldier's" head?

Wha' happened??

The internet was down ALL DAY at work, so I'm just now getting home to look at email and the rest of the world. Gack!

Update:

Okay, I've recovered my equilibrium. And I noticed on Blogger's counter that this is my 1000th post. So I better make it count.

To start with, every day I go to Electoral-vote.com, which is updated with each day's poll results. Compare today's map with yesterday's for a cheerful view of the presidential race. Let's hear it for Zogby polls.

In the blogosphere, Shannon is deadpan, Min Jung is quitting smoking, Alexa made an unfortunate pre-date meal choice, and Bob is performing on Friday. (I already said that, but I want everyone to see Bob's show.)

Something to see

My friend Bob Ostertag, who was featured in an interview on The California Report last Friday, is performing at Intersection for the Arts through the 25th. Says their site:

Living Cinema: Endangered Species
by Bob Ostertag & Pierre Hébert

Thursdays through Saturdays
September 16-25, 8pm
$9-15/sliding scale, Thursdays Pay What You Can

SPECIAL PERFORMANCE
Thursday September 23, 8pm
Composer and internationally known improvising guitarist Fred Frith will replace Bob Ostertag

Living Cinema, the revolutionary creation of San Francisco composer Bob Ostertag and Quebecois filmmaker Pierre Hébert, brings the creation of cinema out of the movie studio and on to the stage. Endangered Species, a new work about disappearance, panic, witness and humor, is Living Cinema's second piece, following Between Science and Garbage, which was a hit at film and music festivals around the world. The collaboration between Hébert and Ostertag merges sound, film and mixed media and decades of commitment to revolutionizing the live performative experience.

Bob is actually kind of a living legend in rarified New Music and improv noise circles, and actually performs around these parts only once or twice a year, so this is a chance to see something weird and cool. I'm going Friday.

Whoa

In a sign that Kerry's more aggressive attacks on Bush's Iraq strategy are hitting the mark, several Republican leaders openly criticized Bush's war Sunday. In case you're keeping score, watch the polls over the next week and see if anybody cares.

Excuse the mess

Hi, welcome!

I have made some unnoticeable changes to my site. If you're a friend or you recently discovered my site, you may have been using a URL that had the word "secure" in it. This is because, for some time, I was using some misdirection to hide much of my site. But today I put things back the way they were. From now on, you can access everything on my site simply by going to www.toobeautiful.org. That will take you to this, the blog page, which is now the top level of the site. Thanks for your patience.

Extremely clever, ambitious masochist wanted

826 Valencia, the literary empire-cum-cult that has gathered around novelist Dave Eggers, which includes the McSweeney's and Believer magazines, needs a store manager for its retail outlet, the oddball "pirate supply store" in SF's Mission District. Aspiring novelists would have the chance to join the thousands of other would-be famous writers orbiting around Eggers, Vendela Vida, and other planets.

Or you could try this other space-related opportunity, "helping NASA prepare crews for future missions to the Moon and Mars."

Dept of "Wouldn't it be pretty to think so?"

I have a job interview this afternoon. While the job description is utterly daunting, and depresses me every time I look at it, I'm still going in. And they want to talk to me, even after they saw my resume. I think I'll tell them what I can do, instead of dwelling on what I can't do. Worth a try, even if it is in Redwood City, a suburb 20 miles south. (Much better than the suburb 45 miles east where I've worked two different times.)

Courtesy of the fascinating Electoral Vote.Com, here's a column by Jimmy Breslin suggesting that all polls are bullshit because they only poll people who have telephones in their homes, and not the large number of younger people who only have cell phones. Breslin says that because this young, mostly left-leaning population never gets polled, whatever polls you see vastly underestimate Kerry's strength.

There are 169 million phones that they didn't even try. This makes the poll nothing more than a fake and a fraud, a shill and a sham. The big pollster doesn't know what he has. The television and newspaper brilliants put it out like it is a baseball score. Except not one person involved can say that they truly know what they are talking about.

Sure -- if those young people vote.

Futher adventures on the internet

This very alarming news article narrates how researches used Goggle and other serach engines to come up with easily-accessed lists of credit card numbers, names, and "everything a cyber crook would need for one heck of a shopping spree or a fresh new identity."

Professor: Bush the MBA student was a "pathological liar"

Here's George Bush's business school prof:

"I don't remember all the students in detail unless I'm prompted by something," Tsurumi said in a telephone interview Wednesday. "But I always remember two types of students. One is the very excellent student, the type as a professor you feel honored to be working with. Someone with strong social values, compassion and intellect -- the very rare person you never forget. And then you remember students like George Bush, those who are totally the opposite."

Wow, another reading

My reading last week must have gone so well that my publisher suddenly remembered me, and they have just arranged for me to take part in October's LitQuake Crawl in the Mission District:

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 15, 6:00 - 9:15 P.M. Lit Crawl in the Mission. A three-hour pub crawl style event in the heart of the Mission District. Twenty venues -- from bookstores to cafes to bars -- all featuring readings by a vast array of writers. Crawl co-curators to include The Grotto, 826 Valencia, MacAdam/Cage Publishing, Avalon Publishing Group, Youth Speaks, and Public House Press, among many others. (On Valencia Street, between 16th and 22nd Streets.)

My reading will happen at Forrest Books on 16th and Mission, across from La Cumbre. More details to come.

Why God hates Florida

Yesterday the state of Florida continued its imitation of a Central European splinter state, as the elections chief ignored a court order and permitted millions of ballots to be printed with Ralph Nader's name on them. I won't go into it at length here because 1115.org has a post that needs no elaboration. I'll just quote once sentence: "Even though the administration and its supporters have shown an unprecedented disregard for conflicts of interest and impropriety, this takes them to new lows."

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Now we know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall

In a weird business news story, Apple Corps Ltd., the Beatles' music corporation, and Apple Computer are reportedly close to settling the Beatles' suit against the American high tech company. The British Apple sued the American Apple for violating terms of a 1991 copyright suit in which the computer maker promised never to get into the music business. Well, along came the iPod and iTunes, and the Beatles sued again in 2003. Now there's talk of a "huge" settlement as well as a rumor that the terms of the deal could include a seat for Paul McCartney on Apple's board and even an exclusive on the Beatles' music for the iTunes Store. Now that would be worth anything Apple had to pay to settle the lawsuit.

Big Brother takes a loss

If you're weary and depressed after reading story after story about how the government is progressively crushing and ruling out dissent, the update to the Sep. 7 story about the literally underground Parisian cinema is cheering. The Guardian talked to one of the "urban explorers" who helped build and run the thing. After the entertaining description of the group's exploits, the man states:

"Urban explorers are the only people who, between us, know it all. We move between each network. We know where they link up - often, it's us who made the link. The authorities, the police, town hall, they don't know a hundredth, a thousandth, of what's down there."

There were, he added, maybe 10 other groups in Paris, all of a roughly similar size, involved in similarly creative, if murky, projects beneath the streets of the capital. "They will never stop it, they are too uncoordinated," he added. "We will always be a step ahead."

Or make your cheese more Swiss

Starting today, you can go right down to the local Wal-Mart (except in California and other pinko outposts) and buy yourself a nice new AR-15 assault rifle. When what do you do with it?

• Deface some of those really high-up billboards
• Celebrate weddings the Iraqi way, by firing wildly into the air
• Unclog gutters

Uh, for some reason I can't think of much of anything to do with an AR-15. Nevertheless, they're legal now. Knock yourself out.

Just drunk enough

Saturday's Writers with Drinks event went really well. I got just the right amount of drunk before going up to the stage and stammering out one of the stories from my book Too Beautiful and Other Stories, six copies of which I subsequently sold. Several friends came, and all in all it was a swell event. Nice venue, too -- a bar where people actually listened to readers!

Tea time again

A few entries below, I listed the latest RADAR series event hosted by Michelle Tea. Now here's an interview Tea did on a books site called Bookslut.

Just in case you wanted something serious

Min Jung Kim, who publishes one of the sweetest and well-written blogs, refers fans to New Patriot dot org, which has serious, thoughtful discussions of election and war issues.

It says something when a site like this is more serious than a lot of the talk shows on cable. I really enjoy Countdown with its mix of news and humor -- count on it to feature the stupidest thing one of the candidates said that day (they were all over Bush's OB/GYN comments) -- while I find The Nation totally unreadable. Maybe New Patriot will strike a good balance. But I find myself doubting that a clear, reasonable argument can sway anybody who's already made up their minds to vote for Bush. I don't know if anything will. Probably the only voters who are useful to pursue at this point are the loosy-goosy ones who keep changing their minds. They don't show up as "undecided" because one day they're for Bush, the next they're for Kerry. They vote for the proverbial "last ad they saw" candidate. Thus we should send money to the DNC so they can do ad buys. Cynicism reigns.

Just another piece of evidence that we have already won the culture war

"The homosexuals are our role model in this," Case says. "They had the same problems we do twenty, twenty-five years ago —- a despised minority hiding in the closet, and all the stories in the media looked to point out their weaknesses. They overcame this by integrating into the mainstream."

That's Robert Case II, director of the World Journalism Institute, a training program that hopes to spread trained evangelical reporters into the journalism business -- not to spread a Christian message or even overcome perceived liberal bias, but merely to get other journalists to see Christians as real people. (Link courtesy Romenesko.)

Republican of the week

Let's check in with the Illinois Senate race, which was famously upended in July when Republican candidate Jack Ryan had to pull out after it was revealed he liked taking his celebrity actress wife to sex clubs -- and in Paris!

His place was taken by erstwhile presidential candidate Alan Keyes, who never misses a chance in the spotlight. Now Keyes, desperate for print, is attacking his opponent by suggesting Jesus wouldn't vote for Barack Obama. Obama responded that he'd take his chances on getting judged by God and the voters rather than Keyes.

Clear Lake: the wholesale slaughter continues

More murders in that pit of hell that is the Clear Lake City area of Texas -- where I went to high school, where Andrea Yates killed all her kids, and where five teens were slaughtered last year in a still-unsolved massacre. Oh, and by the way, it's also Tom DeLay's district.

'N'essayez pas de nous trouver'

In a previously uncharted underground cavern, Paris police on a training exercise stumbled on a fully-equipped underground cinema equipped with professional projection equipment and a number of films ready to be exhibited -- none of them obscene or banned. When they returned three days later with utilities officials to help them trace where the power lines led, they found the lines cut and a note: "Do not try to find us."

Hyphens to go

I have six, count 'em six GMail invites for anyone who wants to partake of the spacious but privacy-challenged web mail service. Just email me.

I've found GMail fast and easy to navigate, though I can't figure out how to mark off several recipients in the address book and then send mail to them. It also handles attachments much quicker and easier than Yahoo mail.

For you Sopranos fans, especially if you've been missing Drea di Matteo: NBC's sure-to-be-short-lived series Joey premieres Thursday at 8 pm. Neither the hour nor the premise is encouraging; I have the feeling this is going to be one of those blink-and-you-miss-it deals.

Lutherans make the best stripclub waitresses-cum-writers

On her final posting from a strip club hard by Madison Square Garden, where she documented the late-night frolicking of visiting Republicans, the Village Voice revealed the identity of their secret columnist: Mara Hvistendahl. Courtesy a Google search, here's her picture (4th photo down, far right) from a couple years ago. Cute! And this 1998 press release from Galludet University proves she's already met Bill Clinton!

Another fabulous event

Michelle Tea writes:

the RADAR reading series

a showcase of underground & emerging writers

thursday, september 9th

san francisco main public library

downstairs in the latino reading room

6:00pm sharp * free





with 





STEPHEN BEACHY, author of two novels--the universally beloved 

road novel "The Whistling Song" and the cult classic "Distortion".  

His scary novellas "Some Phantom" and "No Time Flat" will be 

published in 2006 by Suspect Thoughts Press.





RESURRECCION CRUZ, who, upon understanding that the so-called 

"Great American Novel" actually meant "Great White Patriarchal 

Novel", changed her focus to feminist and cultural themes; 

whose first published novel is "Santora, the Good Daughter"; 

who holds a Master's in Women's Spirituality and lives in Bernal 

Heights.





CHRIS KRAUS, author of I Love Dick (1997), Aliens & Anorexia 

(2000), and the forthcoming novel, Torpor;  whose new book, 

Video Green: Los Angeles Art and the Triumph of Nothingness, 

is based on a series of columns she wrote between 1998-2001 

for Artext magazine; who is an editor of the legendary 

independent press, Semiotexte; who writes for Index, Art In 

America, Bookforum, C International and other magazines, and 

teaches writing at the San Francisco Art Institute.





writer and activist MATTIE RICHARDSON, whose fiction work 

has been anthologized in several

collections including "Does Your Mama Know:Black Lesbian 

Coming Out Stories" and "Every Woman I've Ever Loved: Lesbian 

Writers on Their Mothers"; and who has two non-fiction pieces 

included in the forthcoming anthology "That's Revolting! 

Resisting Queer Assimilation" due out this Fall. 





hosted by michelle tea.





reading followed by questions and answers and cookies.

it goes like this:



you, the audience, ask an intelligent and perhaps even 

witty--no pressure--question. 

the brainy and charming writers respond.

i, the hostess, deliver you a home-made cookie.

everybody wins.

Dog days

Was talking on Thursday to one of the parishioners at the church where I work. Both of us lost our full-time high-paid jobs a couple years ago and we chatted about the possibilities of finding something this year. I complained that I hadn't had a vacation in more than a year and was looking forward to the four-day weekend. "Four day weekend!" he exclaimed. "You get every Friday off. You get a three-day weekend every week!" Yeah, but he doesn't have a job at all. (Actually, he busts his ass in volunteer work there at the church.)

Aside from meeting a former co-worker on Friday and doing a lot of errands, I've been very low-energy. The heat is part of the problem -- the weather's typically hot and dry (for San Francisco). I fell into a sugar-crash-induced nap about 3:00 pm and took a 45-minute walk on Bernal Heights just before sunset. Otherwise I watched the hurricane on TV. Didn't read, didn't write. Feel a little useless.

While I was dialling around, I happened across the Lawrence Welk Show, which apparently is in perpetual reruns. Cris walked in while Welk was conducting a march. "Connecting with your ethnic roots?" she asked.

Security wasn't perfect

Even during Bush's acceptance speech tonight, protesters got onto the floor of the convention, in one case raising an anti-Bush banner, before being hustled off. They showed one such evacuation on TV (though it's clear from those photos that there were actually several protesters, possibly at different times). All I can say is, if the 49ers had a rushing game half as good as those security guards, they'd be in the Super Bowl this year.

God to Florida: Vote Kerry or my wrath will continue

It's the 4th day of the Republican Convention, and nothing captures the punchy mood of both journalists and their audience than this utterly masturbatory article from Fox News.com, the main theme of which is how Fox News commentators are revered by convention attendees and officials:

Peter Brownfeld, too, has had to fight off embraces by some Republican delegates, a number of whom told him how much they love the channel and that FOX News is the only fair source of news on television. A young Republican even approached Peter while he covered the youth convention Wednesday and offered to answer questions Peter hadn't asked.

One delegate from Maryland told Peter: "I don’t watch anybody but FOX News. Everybody feels that way." She also shared with Peter the name of her daughter, Reagan, an obvious reference, and her son, Charlton, whom she named after actor Charlton Heston, the former president of the National Rifle Association. Peter said other delegates spoke admiringly about various correspondents and anchors on the channel and wanted to know if Peter had met them.

Explains a lot, doesn't it?

Twenty-year-old tactics excite convention-goers

Some ACT-UP rabble-rousers managed to get onto the convention floor today, blowing whistles and shouting slogans before being wrestled off to the bin. Republicans more shocked that the purity of their gathering was breached than at protesters' message ("Drop the debt" -- what mean?). Photos: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Meanwhile, as the Republicans wheeled out all the cheery moderates they could find to soften their image for the cameras, far-right Republicans caucused, calling Michael Moore the anti-Christ and echoing the old culture war call to arms that lost the White House in 1992.

'Wait a minute -- you mean this is the real campaign even for the grown-ups??'

I can't get enough of posting the latest Get Your War On a week late.

I don't give a damn if you were a war hero, or a war ciminal. Just shut the fuck up about it, OK? We've got, like three wars going on right now IN THE PRESENT. I don't have time to give a fuck about Vietnam. You killed a bunch of Vietcong? Good for you. You sat on your ass and got drunk in Texas? Great. I really couldn't give a fuck. You had "other priorities"? Fine. Get me some health insurance, you dumb motherfuckers.

A post without Republicans

Here's a story from the small-town newspaper of Barstow, Calif., about a local Army unit that's preparing to ship out to Iraq. Nothing new about that, but it turns out the speciality of this particular unit has been to act as the "opposing force" -- OPFOR in Army talk -- in war games when other units come to the desert for training. And the following paragraphs suggest a military comedy just begging to be written:

The 11th ACR serves as the Opposing Force training unit, playing the role of the opponent to the troops who train at the National Training Center. They will continue to play this role to the 256th Brigade Combat Team, Louisiana Army National Guard, which will complete training at the NTC Sept. 10.

After that, they will focus more on their own training, and the 1st Squadron, 221st Cavalry Nevada National Guard will temporarily replace the 11th ACR as the OPFOR.

"They have trained with us before, so we won't have to train someone from scratch, which is always a good thing," Odisho said. "We could go over there (Iraq) and do a good job, but if we left the OPFOR in shambles, then we'd do more damage to the Army than anyone could." (Emphasis mine.)

Yes, a clueless "opposing force" -- can't you just see it? While the phrase brings to mind what actually happened during the war, as the official Iraqi army evaporated, in the world of comedy, the opposite would occur. Imagine an "opposing force" organized by (say) Bill Murray, Chris Rock, and perhaps Larry Storch, the nutty guy on "F Troop." They'd lay waste to the unit they were supposed to be training, move on to decimate the town of Barstow, and keep going til they hit Hollywood, giving filmmakers a chance to re-do Spielberg's "1941."