Where's Liv Tyler when you need her?

Hilarious SFGate columnist Mark Morford recently won an award for best online columnist, and today's entry shows why:

Let me get this straight. You're saying they shot a freakin' rocket 83 million miles into space, straight into a relatively tiny comet that was ripping through the galaxy at 23,000 freakin' miles per hour, and they freakin' hit it? Is that right?

We're searching for the origin of the universe in bitchin' meteoric space dust via some truly mind-boggling technologies and meanwhile, we still can't make a goddamn full-sized sports sedan that gets more than 25 mile per gallon? I am hearing you correctly? We can nail a rock 83 million miles away but we still can't find a cure for male pattern baldness? We still shove Bibles into Holiday Inn bedside tables and call it enlightenment? We still can't find Osama? We just recently figured out how to put little wheels on goddamn luggage? Is this what you're saying?