Texas governor forced to deny sex rumors

Readers may remember the vicious rumor I helped circulate a couple weeks ago about the governor of Texas having been caught... well, just read this story from the Austin American Statesman (Thanks, Wonkette.) or, if you don't feel like registering for their stupid website, just read it here where I have archived it on-site.

Perry's previous strategy of doing or saying nothing that would promote the spread of the rumors into mainstream publications changed this week as he decided to mount a counteroffensive against the political foes he blames. At the Governor's Mansion on Thursday, his 54th birthday, Perry said he decided to speak out to shine light on what he sees as a dangerous new political trend.

The story also says the gov. first heard the rumors from his college-age son and daughter. I'll bet that conversation was real interesting.

"Hey Governor Dad, can I borrow your limo and a couple of Rangers tonight?"

"No, son Griffin, take the Ford Monument Pro. The Rangers just washed it."

"Aw, Dad, I never get to take the limo. The Monument doesn't have the rotating disco ball and the red phone."

"Sorry, son, if there's one thing I've learned in government, it's when I make a decision, I stick to it. Take some female Rangers if it'll make you feel any better. They've got some very interesting pain-submission holds they can show you."

"I hate you! I hate you!" (Runs out.)

"What the hell was that about, daughter Sydney?"

"He's just really upset about the rumors, dad."

"What rumors?"

(Heavy sarcastic sigh.) "Dad, you are just so out of it sometimes."

"Don't talk to me like that, young lady! If you have any rumors to share, let's hear them."

"You know -- the ones about you and your (male) secretary of state, and how Mom found you in bed together, and how she's hired the most expensive divorce lawyer in Austin, and how you tried to have the secretary of state poisoned and blamed it on an attack of appendicitis."

(Sound of head hitting floor as governor falls in dead faint.)