Redux: Reagan's early-stage Alzheimer's incident

A few days ago I remarked that "Reagan had Alzheimer's since at least 1984." Someone asked me where I got that idea.

Does anybody remember the closing statements in the October 8, 1984 presidential debate with Democratic condidate Walter Mondale? Reagan started talking about driving down Highway 1 in California and how it made him think about how great this country was, and then he completely forgot what he was talking about and where he was, lost his place, started repeating himself, and ran out of time. The moderator gently interrupted him, and Reagan got this "What the-- what the hell's going on??" look on his face and shut up. Thus ended the debate.

At the time, I was convinced that this incident had demonstrated in front of the whole nation that Reagan was utterly out of it and couldn't be trusted with a can opener, much less the hydrogen bomb. But as it turned out, the incident was completely ignored and Reagan went on to win in a landslide.

Here's Chief of Staff James Baker commenting on the incident:

It's really important in a presidential debate that you open strong and close strong and generally speaking, the candidates are encouraged to memorize their closing statements. And President Reagan didn't do that and the Louisville debate and consequently he had trouble with it. If you go back and view the tape of that debate and he lost his track. But, that's the only time I remember an incident really where he didn't "do his homework."

Oh really? Let's see. It was 1994 when Reagan announced he had Alzheimer's, undoubtedly because family members and aides could no longer hide it. That was only six years after he left office. Believe me, it takes longer than six years between the onset of Alzheimer's and the day others can no longer deny you have it.

What I'm doing here

This quotation from Nina Simone, who died in 2003, was included today in the obituary summary on "All Things Considered." It says as much as anyone ever has about the purpose of the artist in society:

There's no other purpose, so far as I'm concerned, for us [artists] except to reflect the times, the situations around us and the things we're able to say through our art. The things that millions of people can't say. I think that's the function of an artist and, of course, those of us who are lucky, leave a legacy so that when we're dead, we also live on.

In memoriam: Brandon Teena

Transexual Brandon Teena was murdered ten years ago today. (Link courtesy metafilter)

Meat we eat

In new rules promulgated by the FDA, meat processors will no longer be allowed to slaughter 'downer cows' into hamburger. Said cows are those which are unable to walk on their own. "You know what this whole mad cow scare will do?" Cris said.

"Keep American beef from being exported to other countries, thus lowering the price here," I answered. We were reading at the breakfast table. We both have the day off.

"Besides that," she said. "You know where all these 'downer cows' come from? They're injured in the course of transporting them. That's where most of them come from, broken legs, not illness."

"I didn't know that," I said. "You know, if you had your own blog, you could post such pithy observations."

"You post it," she said. "But you know what it will do? It will make ranchers and meat processors improve the whole process of transporting and slaughtering cows, because if they can't market the ones with broken legs, they'll want to improve the process to minimize loss."

Law 'n order

Here's a mind-blowing case. A federal appeals court upheld a man's "three strikes" conviction of 26 years to life for the crime of... taking a driver's license exam for his cousin.

This chump had a juvenile burglary and an adult robbery conviction. So he gets caught taking a test for his cousin -- that's perjury. So long, sucker.

And that's from the famously liberal 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. I wonder if the right wing critics who are trying to make an "out of control judiciary" an issue in the presidential race will cite this case.

Up and away

Though I have little faith in the ability of my fellow Americans to drive so much as a Toyota Corolla, this LA Times article says there are still people working toward a future when we will buzz around in Jetsons-like air cars:

"One day, 'The Jetsons' could be the answer" to our traffic woes, said aircraft design engineer Sid Siddiqi, referring to the 1960s cartoon series featuring a suburban future full of flying cars. Siddiqi works for the National Consortium for Aviation Mobility, a Virginia-based nonprofit that is working with NASA to develop its Small Aircraft Transportation System — technology that could serve as a precursor to the long-envisioned "highway in the sky."

Another pursuer of the dream is Paul Moller of Davis, who has spent 40 years — and millions of dollars — trying to leave his own mark on aviation history. Moller, 67, has devoted his life to the Skycar, a personal aircraft that he believes could replace the automobile. "People say I'm nuts, and maybe I am. But I'm looking for something that will change mass transportation as we know it."

Leaving aside any misgivings, that's about the most fun thing I've heard in a while. Certainly a lot more fun than the Segway.

Oh stop it

The lead says it all: "The FBI is warning police nationwide to be alert for people carrying almanacs." Yes, those phone-directory-like accumulations of weather and crop lore.

The FBI said information typically found in almanacs that could be useful for terrorists includes profiles of cities and states and information about waterways, bridges, dams, reservoirs, tunnels, buildings and landmarks. It said this information is often accompanied by photographs and maps.

Oh for godsakes, no it isn't. I've never seen maps and photographs in an almanac, except for a center section of about 12 pages showing maps of the continents. Most of an almanac is just gray page after page of tables and lists. What the fuck is wrong with these geeks at the FBI anyway?

The best is the final sentence of the story, coming immediately after he paragraph quoted above. "The FBI urged police to report such discoveries to the local U.S. Joint Terrorism Task Force." What... what discoveries?

"Hello, FBI? I want to report a discovery!"

"Yes sir! What is it?"

"I've discovered that page 569 of the World Almanac I just bought on checkstand 4 of the supermarket has a list of bridges!"

"Stay right there, sir. We'll be down to confiscate the book immediately. And where is this so-called 'super market'?"

Who cares when sex workers die?

Tracy Quan, a writer and former sex worker, writes in a feature article on SF Gate about how negative preconceptions about sex workers allowed the Green River Killer to carry on his murders of prostitutes for years with impunity.

Another pianist, more Nazis

I went this afternoon -- tonight I'm back at the l.n.c.b. -- to see the German film Gloomy Sunday, a tale of romantic obsession set against the backdrop of the German occupation of Badapest. With its heartbreakingly beautiful star, Erika Marozsán, and a plot that focuses partly on a title song with the supposed power to drive its listeners to suicide and partly on a sensual menage a trois, the film has a touch of magic realism. Recalling both the wartime milieu and moral ambiguity of The Pianist -- if it weren't for the fact that the film was released in 1999, you might think that it was a blatant imitation -- and the setting and sexuality of The Unbearable Lightness of Being, the film is an effective romantic thriller. By the end, though, I'd had quite enough repetitions of that title song.

Unfamiliar with the stunning actress, I searched for her on the internet, and didn't come up with much. But this interview (translated) raises the interesting point that her character didn't even appear in the novel on which the film was based.

Yes Mr. President, No Mr. President

This bit in the NY Daily News is supposed to be sentimental:

Deaver says she recently shared the story of one of the ex-President's last walks, with a Secret Service agent in 1999. "He stopped in front of a house," Deaver writes. "Reagan reached over the gate. The agent [said], 'We can't go in there, Mr. President; it isn't our house.'"

What I get from that is the idea that, when I get Alzheimer's, I want everyone who goes for a walk with me to call me "Mr. President." Because Reagan can't remember if he was President or not, and neither will I.

Have you noticed that the flow of sentimental Reagan crap is reaching a crescendo? Several books were released in time for the holiday season -- and I love that Reagan Louie's book on Asian sex workers (there is a current exhibit at the SFMOMA) comes up on the search -- and there was that recent effort to get Reagan's head on the 10-cent coin. You know what it all spells? Death watch. Reagan is going to buy it any time now. He's had Alzheimer's since at least 1984, and nobody lasts 20 years.

Xmas dinner, under construction

Being Salvadorean, Cris follows family tradition and always does the whole Christmas thing on the evening of Dec. 24. We gather with her sisters at one sister's house, to which assorted friends are also invited.

This year we had / are having both Txg and Xmas at our house. So far we've had three of ten guests cancel, added another, put the frozen-hard goose in the shower for four hours, had six conversations about dying relatives, busted one lightbulb, and unpacked three dozen tamales.

Now Cris is filling stockings (it's a good thing we didn't put everyone's names on them the other night, since the final roster around the table looks like it's going to be at least 50% different than expected) with little presents. She spent four hours making the stockings by hand a week ago. This makes her sound like some kind of Martha Stewart freak, but actually it's very unusual. She's just having some kind of Christmas crafts spasm, with the creche and all. Maybe it's all those dying relatives.

Can you possibly bear this AP story about the "first faith-based prison" in the U.S., just being opened in Florida?

Gov. Jeb Bush dedicated what is being called the nation's first faith-based prison Wednesday, telling its nearly 800 inmates that religion can help keep them from landing in jail again.

In addition to regular prayer sessions, the Lawtey Correctional Institution will offer religious studies, choir practice, religious counseling and other spiritual activities seven days a week. Participation is voluntary and inmates are free to transfer out.

Bush lauded the inmates from 26 faiths for committing themselves "to a higher authority."

"This is not just fluffy policy, this is serious policy," he told the crowd. "For the people who are skeptical about this initiative, I am proud that Florida is the home to the first faith-based prison in the United States... I can't think of a better place to reflect on the awesome love of our lord Jesus than to be here at Lawtey Correctional."

Me either. I hope some day he had a nice long opportunity to do so.

Arnold surveys the wreckage

After yesterday's earthquake in central California, new governor A. Schwartzenegger visited the hardest-hit town of Paso Robles, where the main square now resembles one of his movie sets in the aftermath of him blowing some heavy shit up. After touring the mess, he proclaimed:

Today this is a site of devastation. But we will come together once again as Californians and as neighbors. We will rebuild this town square.

Oh come on, Arnold. You know you love it.

Xmas tableau

Cris has a sort of instinctive spirituality that is part animist, part Buddhist, part PETA. A lot of it boils down to the notion that animals are as worthy of respect and care as humans.

A couple of days ago, she had a sort of religious vision. And last night, she made it real.

No animals were harmed in the making of this devotional tableau.

Satire is dead

Sometimes I get in a mood when everything I read in the news sounds like it was lifted from The Onion.

Associated Press, 23 Dec 03: Wife Doesn't Think Much of Toilet Seat as Gift
St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 22 Dec 03: Outpouring Saves Family's Tree
Miami Herald, 23 Dec 03: Ben Affleck Tries to Put the Focus Back on His Work
Fox News, 7 Dec 03: Farm Boy Carries Torch for Parish Hilton
WIlkes-Barre Times Leader, 16 Dec. 03: Man is tired of neighbor sneaking into his yard to care for his dog
Baptist Standard, 19 Dec 03: Abstinence Pledge-Breakers Likely Not to Use Condoms

Then again, you can't make up something like this online forum discussion on the topic "Where's Mark Pritchard?" Apparently an Australian who shares my name has founded some kind of esoteric sect which teaches "astral travel" and "tantrism" among other things. Furthermore he now calls himself Beelzebub or Belzebuub, which should allay any confusion between him and me. I'll have to add this character to the list of "The Mark Pritchards I'm not" on my bio page.

Old comics celebrated

The Republican governor of New York gave a posthumous pardon to Lenny Bruce today for his 1964 obscenity conviction. Meanwhile, Mort Sahl appeared on Fresh Air and said AL Franken and Bill Maher -- two men known for their political humor -- are both unfunny and untalented.

Who does he think is funny? Al Haig. You could almost hear Terry Gross's jaw drop. She asked for an example of Haig humor. Sahl recounted this conversation:

Sahl: Al, I see you smoke Cuban cigars. A good Republican like you, supporting Castro?

Haig: I like to think of it as burning his crops to the ground.

And further-meanwhile, another comic, Jon Stewart, is on the cover of Newsweek.

Shaken, not stirred

A 6.5 earthquake hit the central California coast today, with first reports saying there was little damage significant damage in the town of Paso Robles, according to KCBS radio. Here's the seismograph.

Up-to-date news on SF Gate, the Chronicle's website.

Now feeding squirrels

Berhard Goetz, the creepy loser who became famous as the "subway vigilante" for shooting several youths who were mugging him on a subway train 19 years ago today, is still living in NYC. This article (link courtesy Gawker.com) is worth looking at just for the picture showing him surrounded by hungry squirrels.

More Xmas cheer

I put in an extra shift at the l.n.c.b. yesterday afternoon, working from 1:00 to 7:00. On the last Saturday before Christmas, it was understandably busy, yet the customers were pretty mellow. I was in high spirits myself, flying back and forth behind the counter at the register even though I had worked til 12:30 the night before. "You seem to be having about as much fun as you can back there," one matron-patron observed. "Yes," I said, adding, "and no more." She laughed, but in a kind of patronizing way. Other than that, no particular incident jumps out. Perhaps the constant rain throughout the day dampened people's anxiety.

When I got home, though, I was bushed. I had worked 6 hours, preceded by 6.5 hours the night before, and I wound up going to bed at 9 pm and sleeping til 8:30. Even today I'm tired.

We got an Xmas tree this afternoon -- the rain had finally stopped -- and have spent the evening putting up the lights and so forth. Very cheerful.

Gravy train

You've heard of the German cannibal who butchered and consumed most of a willing victim. Now People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, the anti-carnivore organization with the flair for attention-getting public demonstrations, has gotten in on the act. Weighing in on the anti-cannibalism side, they have sent the admitted man-eater a vegetarian cookbook.

"What this man did to a German computer expert is done to other creatures every day," a PETA spokesman explained. "The cruel scenario of slaughtering, cutting up, portioning, freezing and eating of body parts," the actions taken by Meiwes against his human victim, "is the grim reality for more than 450 million sentient individuals (animals) that are killed in (Germany) every year."

By the way, the guy wants a book deal.

Do you write like a girl?

This online text gender analysis tool says it can accurately predict 80 percent of the time, whether the gender of a writer is male or female.

I tried it, first with a passage from my recently-completed novel "Make Nice." Strangely, this passage rated a "Female Score" of 1378 and a "Male Score" of 1399. Pretty close, but it had correctly identified the author as male.

So what would it do with my faux-lesbian porn? I gave it a passage from my short story "How I Adore You," an all-lezzie erotic story. (That passage is X-rated.) Ha, that got a "Female Score" of 3775 and a "Male Score" of only 2497, which meant I had successfully fooled it into thinking I was a lesbian. Now I can rest.

Xmas chintziness

I've been putting in a few shifts at the l.n.c.b. where I was working earlier this year. Last night I crawled for an hour over the bridge to get there and then another hour, even though it was 1 a.m., to get home.

There's always a favorite customer. This one was on the phone:

"Copies."

"Excuse me?"

"Copies."

"Copies of what?"

"Just copies."

"What copies? What do you want?"

"I want copies, man. Do you make copies?"

"Oh. No, we don't make copies here. You want to go to Kinkos or something."

"Well, do you sell Christmas cards?"

"Yes, we do." (Make faces at fellow employees, begin rotating index finger in small circles around ear.)

"And how much are they?"

"Well, they come in packages of maybe twelve or fifteen. They're different prices. I guess five or six dollars would be about average."

"No, that's too much. Do you sell single cards?"

"Sure, we sell single Christmas cards too."

"So I just want to make a copies of it."

(Light finally dawning.) "You want to buy one Christmas card and make copies of it for people."

"Yeah."

"Well, I guess you could do that. But we can't make the copies here."

"Okay, thanks, bye."

More work-avoidance behavior

Continuing my pattern of avoiding the project of sending my novel out to prospective agents, I have produced another issue of the church newsletter I edit. This one has another great piece by food writer Jessica Prentice, and a really good sermon on welcoming the stranger by a Unitarian Universalist minister from Winnipeg. I also wrote a short piece mostly bitching about internal church politics, in a nice way.

I'm there

A British power company called Power Gen has formed an Italian subsidiary. What URL did they pick? Why, http://www.powergenitalia.com/ of course. No lie.

Make my day

Looking for that perfect present for me, or someone else you're crazy about? (I had to find a Dremel power tool for a certain someone. What the hell do I know about power tools?) Fortunately, there's Froogle, a Google interface that allows you to search for products by brand name, type, etc.

But you better hope your package wasn't on this FedEx plane that crashed and burned today in Memphis, FedEx's hub.

Yes, I have a wish list at Amazon. But I strongly suggest buying books or CDs at your local independent book or music store.

In totally unrelated news, the Texas Dept. of Criminal Justice -- now there's an Orwellian construction for you -- has removed from its web site the last-meal menus of death row inmates. Yes, that's right: a spokesperson said that some people had complained -- wait for it -- that posting them was -- can you stand it -- in bad taste.

Jenny swirls

Last weekend I went to the birthday party of my splendid, brilliant and gorgeous friend Jenny. She sent me this picture someone took. We aren't exactly dancing, only illustrating the swirly quality of Jenny's frock.

Owens Valley / LA MWD news

Posting this for a friend:

LA Times, 17 Dec 2003

DWP to OK Owens River Water Flow

By Louis Sahagun and Steve Hymon
Times Staff Writers


The Los Angeles Department of Water and Power announced Tuesday that it had tentatively agreed to restore steady water flows to the long depleted Owens River within two years.

Formal approval of the agreement by the DWP's board of directors is expected today.

The announcement, with which the DWP hopes to resolve a lawsuit against it, will probably halt a series of delays in launching one of the most ambitious river restorations ever attempted in the arid West.

A 62-mile stretch of the Owens in rural Inyo County near Independence has been mostly dry since 1913, when the river's water was diverted into the Los Angeles Aqueduct, which carries it south from the Owens Valley to the San Fernando Valley.

Spokesmen for the plaintiffs in the suit, including two environmental groups and two state agencies, were optimistic that the terms of the settlement would be accepted. If so, the Owens could have a small but steady year-round flow by the fall of 2005. Some of the water would pour into the delta of dry Owens Lake, where the river terminates, to replenish bird habitat.

"We're going to be there with champagne bottles when that water starts flowing again, because it's been so long in coming," said Mike Prather, an activist with the Owens Valley Committee, an environmental group that joined in the suit. "It will mean a renewed ecosystem for willows and cottonwoods, waterfowl and neotropical migrating songbirds, bobcats and butterflies."

The DWP's board will meet today in a closed session to formally vote on the settlement. Mayor James K. Hahn issued a news release Tuesday touting the deal.

"I think the merits of the case are pretty strong, and I will be recommending to the board that they approve it," said Jerry Gewe, the chief operating officer of water for the DWP.

Gewe said the restoration project would probably cost the DWP enough water to supply 40,000 families each year. He said the loss would be made up through conservation and additional purchases of water from elsewhere in the state.

One possibility, Gewe said, is for the DWP to begin buying water on the open market from farmers in the Central Valley.

Restoration of the Owens River was conceived in 1991, and the plan was amended in 1997, as a way to make up for increased pumping of groundwater by the DWP in the Owens Valley. The restoration was supposed to occur by mid-2003, but the deadline was pushed back several times because of disputes over environmental laws and over how much water Los Angeles would leave in the river.

The Sierra Club and Owens Valley Committee sued the DWP over the delays. They were joined by the California Department of Fish and Game and the State Lands Commission on Dec. 4. The same day, Inyo County Superior Court Judge Edward Denton threatened to impose his own deadline for completing the project.

Facing mounting pressure to act, the DWP, Inyo County, the Sierra Club and an Owens Valley conservation group hammered out a compromise — sanctioned by Denton — in a series of tense closed-door meetings in Los Angeles and Bishop over the last week.

"I think this is the best deal accomplished at this time," said Larry Silver, an attorney representing the Sierra Club.

Under another provision of the deal, he said, the DWP would provide up to $1.5 million in matching funds to begin eradicating salt cedar, a nonnative, water-hogging plant found along the river.

Pump harder, the graphics are slowing

According to this NYT article, "Magicbikes -- ordinary bicycles rigged with networking gear that transforms them into wireless Internet access points, using the wireless fidelity, or Wi-Fi, technology now built into many laptops -- can connect to and amplify the signals of Wi-Fi transmitters in the vicinity. Or they can tap into a cellular data network..."

I'll bet my friend Jym is all over this. A bike fanatic -- I mean that in a nice way -- and an MIT grad and inveterate internet user who has his fingerprints all over so much basic internet and database stuff that you can just name a random person who worked in high tech in the 90s, and if that person was doing anything interesting, Jym is bound to know him -- who know lives in New York, he has to be in on this.

Update: Jym writes:

=v= A minor correction to your blog entry: I'm not an MIT
grad. I never graduated. I was more like one of those bad
pennies who always turns up anyway, a non-student with a key
to the AI lab.

Undermine fundamentalist political ploy

It'll only take fifteen seconds of your time. Go to http://www.afa.net/petitions/marriagepoll.asp and register your opinion. Though meaningless, the fundies are no doubt prepared to present the results of such a "poll" as actual opinion. It would be funny if right-minded people managed to derail the effort.

Frankly, I voted for the last option: Civil union with full status except in name. Wouldn't that be a win-win for everybody? Non-heterosexuals and sexual revolutionaries could have all the benefits of marriage, and fundies could claim they had preserved the sanctity of "marriage" per se. Why not make everybody happy?

Does this set of wheels lay rubber?

For several years now, a mysterious cab driver has written a weekly column, first for the San Francisco Examiner and now for the Chronicle. It's usually of only minor interest, but today's installment featured a hilarious cabful of Japanese (tourists or students, it's not clear) who dub the driver "Smith" and ask him things like "Is this set of wheels a lemon? I mean do you get a lot of blown head gaskets?" It turns out they're just riffing off phrases in a guide called "Speak English Like an American."

This gives me another excuse to link to the mind-blowing Engrish.com site, where you can see, for example, innocent, grinning Japanese lasses wearing t-shirts with priceless slogans like I'm Cock or Miss Urine Tester USA.

One good hole deserves another

Asked "What is your greeting to Saddam Hussein?" George Bush responded gamely:

The world is better off without you, Mr. Saddam Hussein. And I find it very interesting that when the heat got on you dug yourself a hole and you crawled in it.

Just one little thing. On Sept. 11 2001, when he got word the country was under attack, Bush didn't exactly charge into battle. He skedaddled off to a SAC base in Nebraska, where command centers are underground in hardened bunkers. A little more elaborate than Hussein's redoubt, but still a hole in the ground.

A good man

A good man died Monday -- Fr. Bill O'Donnell, friend of Cesar Chavez, Martin Sheen, and many other Catholic social activists, died at his desk in Berkeley.

A deal

One of the things I pay for on the web is Salon. I've gotten over resisting the subscription model -- for things I really consider important. Salon has proved its worth. They're having a 50% off sale on subscriptions through Dec. 15, if you're interested.

Meanwhile, in the Washington Post, post-columnist Tina Brown -- I'm tempted to ask, nonsensically, "What can Brown do for you?" -- calls this "the post-embarrassment age." (Some would say that phrase applies to Brown's own column.) About the Paris Hilton family, she wonderfully opines: "While they live in the Waldorf and work the New York social scene, they are more like a moneyed version of a trailer-dwelling circus family than drop-dead socialites."

That got me to search for an image that could possibly illustrate the concept of "a trailer-dewlling circus family." I came up with this page and also this page.

More American id

Please take a gander at this jaw-droppingly weird site, Blessed Arrows -- a sterilization reversal ministry. It's hard to know where to start -- maybe with the cringe-evoking pink-and-yellow striped background. It's so horrible that I don't think anyone ever bothered to say, in those site-design tips you always see, "Don't use a striped background!" -- because you would have to be INSANE to try. Then there's the clever phrase TRANSFER INTERRUPTED! Are they kidding? Is that a real message, or actually the name of their newsletter? And you can click on testimonies from people who have been "blessed" with additional children now that they've had their sterilization procedures reversed. Plus there are Family Photos of people who have, presumably, benefitted from the "ministry." And much, much more. I dare you to look at the site and not slowly say: "Oh. My. God."

Subtle change in American mind

Some university art students did performance art at a local Wal-Mart. (link courtesy Romenesko.) The people who ran the store were not amused, contrary to expectations. Well, I would have expected the Wal-Mart people to be unamused, but college kids are forever optomistic. That's what makes them cute.

There's something seminal about that story. During the first Gulf War, in the early 90s, anti-war demonstrators tried to do street theater in shopping malls and were kicked out. Now the American id has moved to Wal-Mart; if you want to reach people, that's where you go. Shopping malls are clearly passé.

I feel your pain

BBC News, 4 Dec 03

Xmas cheer makes Austrians sour

The countdown to Christmas has only just begun, but thousands of Austrian shop assistants say they are already sick of the sound of it. They say the strains of piped Christmas carols cause them "psychological terror", and are demanding that their employers limit the hours they play carols.

"By the time Christmas comes around there are large scores of abused shop workers who hate the very idea of it," said Gottfried Rieser, spokesman for the Austrian Trade Union Federation.

Around the world

Germany is obsessed with a cannibal murder case. With the accused saying things like "With every bite, my memory of him grew stronger," you can see why. There's a video, too -- not online just yet.

Here's a fun trip to North Korea, where every glance and sigh of the Great Leader and his kin are commemorated: "A spot where Kim Il Sung is said to have especially appreciated the view is dutifully marked with a six-foot stone tablet." But the best part is where we learn what North Korean comedy is like. "In a comedy act, a strongman wearing communist red gets the better of a weakling decked out in blue." The strong making fun of the weak -- now there's a new theory of comedy.

This story about a flash flood in Melbourne has an amusing picture.

Israelis are afraid of black cats. Come to think of it, the picture is rather frightening. I don't know if it's a picture of the cat in question, though. And in Northern Ireland, there's more news of "big cats" terrorizing the countryside. I found this story a month or two ago when it was just one "big cat." Now there are two: "one believed to be a black panther and the other a sandy coloured North American puma."

Gee, that's what mothers are for

A hilarious, on-target piece in Salon discusses the phenomenon of sentimental "tribute to suffering mothers" email, referred to as "mommy mails":

Occasionally, though, mommy mails hint that these scarily stoic women are not always thrilled with their lives. In "Why Women Cry," which I received two or three times in the past year, a boy catches his mother weeping and asks why. "Because I'm a woman," she replies. The kid, understandably still baffled, asks God why is mother is weeping. The Almighty explains that every woman is granted the ability to "take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining," as well as the stamina to put up with the children "who hurt her very badly" and the husband who "tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly."

Usually, women deal. But for the really tough times, God adds, they receive "a tear ... to use whenever it is needed." He makes it sound a little like a cyanide pill.

It reminded me of a TV commerical from my own childhood years. As a doughty mother cooks, cleans and carries her sprouts to Little League, an announcer intoned something like, "You cook for them.. Clean for them... Drive them around. You hardly have time for yourself." Then the scene cut to an aggressive 8-year-old dunce, who looked into the camera and announced: "Gee... That's what mothers are for!"

Of course, I have no memory of what product was being advertised. Bubble bath, maybe. But anyway, this aren't-you-a-womderful-martyr message has been around at least 40 years.

Further links:

That's Why God Made Mothers apron
an example of the kind of crap the author is talking about
Marine mothers "know all about waiting", including the "That's what mothers are for" dictum
the Christian Homekeeper website, including articles on "modesty, biblical submission,
    the Christian Life, homeschooling, children, salvation, homekeeping, organization, cooking,
    recipes, cleaning and more."

Heroine of the day

Patti Smith is profiled in In These Times, a progressive-left magazine.

Also:

a 1996 profile
an interview from 2000
a 2000 Rolling Stone interview
a 1999 Q and A, reportedly from a Croatian newspaper
lots more links

Cheat sheet

Okay, Johnny, what is the significance of Sept. 11 in today's world?

Googlism for: sept. 11:

sept. 11 is fodder for con artists
sept. 11 is your birthday
sept. 11 is noted
sept. 11 is the happiest day of all
sept. 11 is double anniversary in hawaii
sept. 11 is worth remembering one year
sept. 11 is turning into a handy excuse
sept. 11 is serving as a social crutch
sept. 11 is provided by cnn
sept. 11 is difficult work
sept. 11 is indelibly etched on the tattooed arm of paul michael marinello
sept. 11 is no reason for shame
sept. 11 is a job for the intelligence committees review and outlook the wall street journal thursday
sept. 11 is as obvious as the need for an investigation of the enron debacle
sept. 11 is fined
sept. 11 is noted new york
sept. 11 is easy to see warning signs
sept. 11 is a factor that may push some companies out of the city
sept. 11 is almost overwhelming
sept. 11 is different for them
sept. 11 is her wedding anniversary
sept. 11 is more than a phrase or a date
sept. 11 is looking back on the past year
sept. 11 is america’s new date of infamy
sept. 11 is when victims were being evacuated to the courtyard
sept. 11 is now a part of the agenda for india and pakistan
sept. 11 is information on the events are not mentioned in any textbook
sept. 11 is part of our history
sept. 11 is a key fissure in american lives
sept. 11 is a special day jon rothstein and his grandmother will always share
sept. 11 is but another day that unfortunately will live in infamy
sept. 11 is on an airplane
sept. 11 is unnecessary because the remembrances are a very personal issue and not one to be mandated by the government
sept. 11 is shaping the international order for the 21st century by henry kissinger
sept. 11 is worth remembering one year later by paul berton
sept. 11 is a date that needs to be commemorated because it was an immensely tragic time for our country
sept. 11 is a tragedy that transcends words
sept. 11 is not responsible for their decreases in funds raised in october
sept. 11 is not at all responsible for their budget reductions
sept. 11 is shaping up to be another historic day of television
sept. 11 is real
sept. 11 is ok
sept. 11 is a birth date with special memories push
sept. 11 is what didn't happen
sept. 11 is masses of the work force going through a realignment of their priorities
sept. 11 is not the reason for the new legislation
sept. 11 is an occasion for me to realize it even more
sept. 11 is outright retaliation
sept. 11 is not comparable with the terrorist movements that struggle for a precise cause or for a territory
sept. 11 is not about what's behind us
sept. 11 is financial
sept. 11 is upon us
sept. 11 is on the next page of the calendar
sept. 11 is that it continues to impact us
sept. 11 is still having a psychological impact on kids nationwide
sept. 11 is worth remembering one year later
sept. 11 is changed forever for families
sept. 11 is here
sept. 11 is going to be a regular day at school
sept. 11 is the reason

Paying attention

The president has nominated as ambassador to Sweden a Texas state senator and "longtime Bush friend" named Teel Bivins. Bivins, described as a fourth generation "cattleman and rancher," is a champion Bush fundraiser and friend of the hog farm industry. Quote: "I see no reason why this area should not produce 75 percent of the world’s pork."

No surprise, any of that. Just the sort of person you'd expect Bush to reward with an ambassador's post. But Sweden?

Leak this

For fans of the brilliant Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, an update: Cleveland Scene, 26 Nov 2003. The writer of the article suggests that the ripped off image, appearing in countless rear windows of pickup trucks and Camaros, of Calvin taking a leak on (something), may soon be the main memory of Watterson's work.

Just in case

This sex party takes place in total darkness, so:

People that have siblings should set up some kind of a call out code in advance... If you are concerned because this is a 'family affair' (and you know your sister/brother/first cousin/dad will be there) you may want to choose a "code word" that you could say before engaging in any activity. If you hear the code word, you know to move along. (Bananaslug, kumquat, or something like that is a good codeword).

Yeah, you could do that. Or you could just fail to utter the code word. So your dad can say "bananaslug" all he wants to, but if no one answers back, then he'll never know, right?

The possibilities for comedy in this are enormous. First of all you've got a room full of people -- supposedly carefully 50-50 boys and girls, though God knows in San Francisco that's harder than it sounds -- in total darkness, saying "Banana slug" and "kumquat" and "defribrilator" into the darkness.

"Penguin."

"Tar paper."

"Barbara Bush."

"What? Your code word is 'Barbara Bush'?"

"Hey, if you don't like it, then don't have safe sex with me."

"Hey, everybody! His code word is 'Barbara Bush'!"

"Shut up, man!"

Second, the party "will mostly be established couples looking to expand their sexual experience." Let's think that through. Dick and Jane go to the party, arriving with Don and Judy, Rob and Laura, Shlomo and Becca. Why do they all want to have sex in total darkness? I'm trying to think of the reasons. Let's say he wants to have sex with two girls at once. Or he wants to suck cock. Or he wants to watch her do it with a girl.

Okay, fine. Now it's six hours later and they're in a cab on the way home, discussing their adventures. Unless they were tethered to each other the whole time, there's no way to verify what either one did.

"Dick dear, did you finally suck a cock, like we discussed?"

"Oh, yes, Jane, and what an experience it was!" (Totally lying.) "I completely see what you mean now about the gagging thing. I will be much more careful about that from now on! And how about you? Did you manage to get it in both ends, like you said you wanted to?"

"Oh, yes! It was heaven!" (Totally lying) "I wish you had been able to see me...."

But this is my favorite guideline: CRAWLING IS SAFER.

Don't be crabby

All the kittens you'd ever want (v. large page with many photos; courtesy Metafilter)

On first visit as President, Bush can't pronounce "Nevada"

Get a load of the Swedish model whom Tiger Woods has gotten engaged to. Cris's comment: "Geez... Was that really necessary?"

Comparisons to Mai Britt are allowed. And while we're at it, check out the whole Swingin' 60s Chicks website.

Finally, consider this startling picture of Japanese royal Princess Sayako, daughter of the current emperor. She's wearing a suit with a cape that makes her look like a cross between a superhero and Joan of Arc (the bowl haircut doesn't help either). Being a royal must entail a lot of fashion pressure. It's too bad because Japanese youth have the best fashion imagination in the world.

The horrible "threat" to "families"

"The homosexual activist movement," said James Dobson, founder of the Christian group Focus on the Family, "is now closer than it has ever been to administering a devastating and potentially fatal blow to the traditional family."

That's from today's AP story headlined (awkwardly) Getting Gay Marriage Nationwide Complex.

Mark Morford, writing on SFGate last week, attacks this view with heavy sarcasm:

An enormous and quivering chunk of the BushCo-voting nation cowers in inexplicable horror. And almost every one of them is vowing, right this minute, to vote for Bush in the next election, if for no other reason than because he's a none-too-bright born-again Christian who will protect them from those icky homos and will invoke God's name as it's supposed to be invoked.

Just what does a potentially fatal blow to America's families look like? Well, if I were an evil, powerful mad supervillain and wanted to "administer a devastating blow to the traditional family," here's what I'd do:

• I'd put families in ugly, treeless anonymous suburban developments
• Both parents would have to work 50+ hour-a-week jobs [permalink] to pay for the debt incurred by their $50,000 wedding, buying and furnishing their dreamhouse, and compensating for their absence by buying their children all manner of electronic crap
• I'd destroy drama, music and arts programs in schools, so that the kids would have nothing else to do but play with the electronic crap
• At the same time I'm forcing both parents to work, I'd take away workplace protections for women and stop employers from having to pay overtime
• I'd create a culture of double standards where it's okay for "adults" to drink and handle their problems with prescription medications, while insisting their kids "say no to drugs"
• I'd do everything to destroy nature and cover the landscape with malls and highways, making it so unpleasant to walk or bike anywhere that people are forced to spend enormous amounts of time in cars, thus increasing their consumer debt while further destroying the environment, and incidentally pushing the country into wars to protect its access to oil resources

Gee, I don't think homosexuals are responsible for any of that, are they?

This just in

I have some new pictures up. (Thanks to Catherine for taking them with her swell digital camera and then sending me a CD of them.)

Incoming!!

It's going to happen. Really soon. You know it is.

The annual not-news story on just how much, in today's money, it would cost someone to actually give their true love all the presents cited in "The Twelve Days of Christmas." Every damn year they haul out this piece of crap, update it, and hand it out to chuckling anchors at local news stations, where it is read just as if it is the cutest thing imaginable and has never been heard of before.

Kill me now.

Let's see... What other poxy repeats are we treated to every year at this time? The just-past stupid news story about the President "pardoning" a Thanksgiving turkey. Traffic reports centering on access roads leading to shopping malls. Anti-fur demonstrators. Nervous reports on whether retail sales are up to expectations. All culminating in the ridiculous play-acting on Dec. 24 in which TV weathermen pretend to use "their" weather radar to track Santa's progress.

It's bad enough that worthy stories are crowded off the news because they're too much trouble to investigate and too controversial to broadcast. But when the opposite happens -- when the news fills up with junk on slow news days -- the television newscasts are still just as long. The amount of news expands to fill the time allotted; and if it's broadcast on a news show, it's "news," right?

This just in: there really are such things as reindeer.

Bush's mouth works both ways

I just caught up to this: A Washington Post story from Saturday, 22 November in which Bush blurted out something that was actually liberal and inclusive, and got roasted by fundies for his trouble.

"The Christian God encourages freedom, love, forgiveness, prosperity and health. The Muslim god appears to value the opposite. The personalities of each god are evident in the cultures, civilizations and dispositions of the peoples that serve them. Muhammad's central message was submission; Jesus' central message was love. They seem to be very different personalities," Haggard said.

So said a fundie clergyman. I wonder what his training was like. On the other side:

Sayyid M. Syeed, secretary general of the Islamic Society of North America, responded to Bush's statement with a single word: Alhamdullah, Thanks be to God. "We read again and again in the Koran that our god is the god of Abraham, the god of Noah, the god of Jesus," he said. "It would not come to the mind of a Muslim that there is a different god that Abraham or Jesus or Moses was praying to."

Dept. of Schadenfreude

Louisville Courier-Journal, 24 Nov 03

Pornography foe arrested on prostitution charge

A vice chairman of a Louisville anti-pornography group was arrested Saturday night on a prostitution charge.

Police took John W. Riddle, 65, into custody after seeing him in a car at 17th and Rowan streets with a "known prostitute," according to the arrest report. Riddle, of Clay Avenue in Okolona, is a vice chairman of the anti-pornography organization COMPASS. ...

Riddle had a bottle of Viagra in his possession, according to the police report.

Hail Lennon

Sdaeh rieht edih dna nur yeht semoc niar eht nehw, niar

-- John Lennon

That's John Lennon (RealAudio clip, 5 sec.) at the end of the great Beatles record Rain (RealAudio file, 2:57 -- courtesy Northwestern Univ.). So beautiful! The backwards bit is a recording of the first line of the song, "Rain, when the rain comes they run and hide their heads." Come to think of it, it's about as easy to understand as anything recorded today.

I'm having a little Beatles spasm. After listening the other day to the All Songs Considered special on the Beatles' "Let It Be" sessions, I'm heavy with appreciation and nostalgia for the Fab Four.

My personal Beatles highlights:

Feb. 9, 1964: The Beatles are introduced to the American public on The Ed Sullivan Show. I'm 8 years old, and I take my cues from my rapt 13-year-old sister. We love them.
 

Summer, 1964: I spend most of the afternoon walking up and down a street in Florissant, Mo. singing I Want to Hold Your Hand.
 

August, 1964: My 18-year-old brother goes off to college and gives his baritone ukelele to my sister. She learns to play it and, eventually, so do I. Beatles songs figure large in our repertoire.
 

July, 1965: Help! is released. [Caution: Unbelievably lame MIDI version of "Help!" at that link.] When the words THE BEATLES appear in the opening titles, I give my best Beatle-fan scream, just like I was in Shea Stadium. Unfortunately, I'm sitting with my now-14-year-old sister in a suburban movie house. She almost punches me.
 

Summer 1965: The falsetto coda of "My baby don't care" at the end of Ticket to Ride clues me in that something strange is about to happen to the Beatles and pop music.
 

1966: After listening all last year to Beatles '65 -- the U.S.-only LP that combined a number of pre-Rubber Soul B-sides and singles -- my sister and I dig into Rubber Soul. I'm now 11; I find the hint of psychedelia contained in the distorted album cover photo, the slightly irreverent use of the word "soul," the use of a sitar, and the misogyny of Run for Your Life all vaguely threatening.
 

1968: Hey Jude becomes the longest number 1 single ever; still, it plays on AM radio. I sit down one evening and count how many choruses there are at the end: the total is 17, I seem to remember.

Things get a little fuzzy after that, because for a long time I was too cheap to actually go out and buy Beatles records. I still don't have all of them. But I have to add:

1981: By now I am a performance artist in San Francisco. Inspired by the Annie Leibowitz cover of John and Yoko, I write a song, Be My Yoko and with another local performer, Lynn Grasberg, put together a show of the same title. It was about two artists who live together and have an obsessive relationship and aspire to be each other's muses like John and Yoko. Perhaps coincidentally, it's the only performance of mine my sister (by then married) has ever seen. She really liked it.

Hollywood apocalypse

Quite a day for celebrity scandalmongers. Michael Jackson surrenders on child molestation charges (giving his spokespersons an opportunity to use the word "scurrilous" -- is that word used under any other circumstances?). He was released on $3 million bail.

Phil Spector was finally charged with murder in the death of B-picture actress Lana Clarson, and is bizarrely claiming the woman's death was a suicide -- even though it took place with no witnesses, in his house, with his gun ("I don't know where or how she got the gun").

(Meanwhile Apple has released a new, Spector-less version of "Let It Be" entitled Let It Be...Naked. That ellipsis is really troubling. I don't know what is supposed to come to mind when they see that word "naked," but what could the dots mean, other than to force the reader to dramatically pause before the final word of the title? Could they have done anything cornier? Why not call it "Let It Be the Way It Was Supposed To Be"?) (Do follow that last link; there's a lot of amazing links on that page, including samples of the "naked" tracks as well as a fantastic two-hour radio doc on the making of "Let It Be" with outtakes and lore galore. I listened to it the other day and I was happy the rest of the day.)

And just to close this issue once and for all: Paris Hilton is dismayed that her now-infamous sex video was released on the internet. Just for the record, anytime some who has changed his last name to "Thrasher" is involved, you can probably predict a deal will go bad.

Still here

I haven't had a lot of opportunities lately to blog or even surf the web. Busy at work, and in the evening. But I just wanted to check in and say I'm still around.

My great friend Christine is visiting in town, and we went to a Robert Gluck reading at the Jewish Community Library, where our friend Lisa Bernstein produces events. Back in the late 80s (!!) Christine and I performed together as part of a group called "Short on Attitude," and Lisa was one of the performers who appeared from time to time in our pieces.

Fifteen years later, I'm primarily a writer, Lisa's primarily a singer-songwriter, and Christine's primarily a painter. But instead of talking about art, tonight we all sat around after the reading talking about taking care of our now-elderly parents and wondering who was going to take care of us in thirty years. Well, we talked about art too.

Greet the brand new day

Yes, we're all sick by now of the Jessica Lynch media blitz, but the Salon article by Eric Boehlert provides excellent analysis and wrapup. It answers the question, How do warmongers feel about Lynch now that she's saying things like "The Army used me"? How did Lynch keep from being manipulated by ABC interviewer Diane Sawyer? And best of all, what is the connection between Lynch and Paris Hilton? (The answers to the last question are multiple, including the fact that they're now each best-known for grainy, spooky-green video appearances.)

In case you missed the Paris Hilton mania -- now fading -- that was the talk of the blogosphere for the last ten days, here's a quick recap. Heirress Paris -- heir to the Hilton fortune, celebutante of the year, and nascent television star -- performed raucous sex with her boyfriend, on tape, a few years ago. The tape has gotten out, as tapes have a way of doing, and now lawsuits are being flung back and forth, even as cynics suggest the whole thing is just publicity for her upcoming television show.

So let's run it down:

                Lynch        Hilton

                -----        ------

hair            blonde       blonde

net worth       $500K        $500M

video:

  quality       grainy       grainy

  distribution  television   internet

  subject       war          sex

exploited by    war machine  Hollywood

victim quotient high         zilch

future          physical     psycho- 

  outlook         therapy      therapy

 

So why do I love the internet? Because of the way it allows us to bring together these two seemingly
disparate figures, the children of Disney and Coca-Cola.

But reflect: Nowadays if you are a filthy rich, slender young woman, you go on TV as someone posts your sex tapes on the internet. Thirty-five years ago, John Lennon would have written a song about you. (I was reminded of this a few days ago when a Texas millionaire who knows Prudence Farrow was aquitted of murder, and now Farrow is said to be in possible danger.) Just another reason why it's hell to be a member of Generation Y.

Just like royalty

This week I got another quarterly royalty statement, along with a check, from my publisher. The statements are perfectly clear, with figures for number of copies sold for each of the two books of mine they published in 2001, along with a "return reserve" just in case those books they "sold" to stores don't actually get sold but get returned. Then the check they send, along with the statements, is for an amount that is completely different than the amounts on the statements -- sometimes more, sometimes less. It's a mystery to me just how it all works, but I'm glad to see each of my books has sold about 2800 copies.

I got a nice fan email the other day, too. There's nothing like having a total stranger write you that he really digs your book.

More Republican Foot-in-Mouth disease

Those nutty Republicans just can't stop making pointed comments at the expense of their enemies. In a pale imitation of Pat Robertson's bomb-toss [Click here if that link breaks in the future] about nuking the State Department, presidential governor Jeb Bush -- who also happens to be the governor of Florida -- joked that San Franciscans may be 'endangered'. SF mayor Willie Brown responded with a complex remark relating to an alligator (an "endangered" species) and his local political troubles.

In other news

Someone forwarded me this flibbit, the most important part of which is:

Openly Episcopal Man Joins Village People
Controversy Threatens to Tear Disco Band Asunder

For the first time in their three decades of existence, the disco band The Village People have inducted an openly Episcopal man, igniting a controversy that threatens to tear the fabled group asunder.

Holding a press conference in New York City today, The Construction Worker, a prominent member of The Village People since its inception in the 1970's, urged "tolerance and understanding" for its latest member, The Episcopal Guy, who joined the group over the weekend.

"From the start, The Village People have been all about inclusiveness," The Construction Worker said. "And introducing The Episcopal Guy as our latest member is part of that tradition."

Different from you and me

Tina Brown, the former editor of Vanity Fair and (disasterously) Talk, has a new weekly column in the Washington Post. Many have assailed it, saying it's vapid and silly. But I find this kind of stuff fascinating (from a column about Martha Stewart and her appearance on a Barbara Walters interview):

These lapses were reminders of the offense that really got Martha into trouble in the first place -- a crime of lifestyle. Her mistake was all about how rich, driven people behave on the eve of the Christmas holidays. They take off on private planes for fashionably secluded destinations in a frenzy of personal shoppers, shouting into their cell phones at their assistants with last-minute instructions while simultaneously stabbing at their BlackBerries with orders to buy and sell stock. At such moments, bad decisions are made -- especially when the only guy left in the broker's office is the terrorized party boy Douglas Faneuil, who swiftly flipped to become a witness for the prosecution.

Martha's crime of lifestyle was then compounded by her crime of character. Like most CEOs, she has a hard time admitting a mistake, all perfectly understandable if you move in the circles of, well, Barbara Walters. This was implicitly emphasized when the TV diva asked the domestic diva, "Do you feel that some people are delighted by your downfall because, as one reporter put it, 'Little Miss Perfect has fallen on her face'?"

"I haven't fallen on my face yet," replied Martha, a little too swiftly.

"I thought it was brilliant," Westchester County District Attorney Jeanine Pirro told me at a Manhattan event to celebrate the creation of a David Boies Professorship at Yale Law School. "The statement upfront in the show that she couldn't talk about her case is the best thing you can have for a criminal defendant if you have an interviewer who will throw you softballs. Today's world is not about facts, not about evidence. It's about whether or not the jury likes you. The media is getting to be more important than the court system. People thought of Martha as arrogant, controlling and cold, and she had everything to gain by going on with Barbara in her big sweater and her clogs."

Of course, this is interesting not only because of what it says about media and Stewart, but what it says about the writer, Tina Brown -- especially what she leaves in and out when she quotes someone. That last bit about the "big sweater and clogs" is a coded message to women (and gay men) everywhere: frumpy equals human, therefore sympathetic.

Then there's that tossed-off social reference: "....Westchester County District Attorney Jeanine Pirro told me at a Manhattan event to celebrate the creation of a David Boies Professorship at Yale Law School." Just so you are sure to notice, Brown assures her readers that she's not just popping off about a television show; she's still in the swing of things, because she went to some society event. While a reception at a law school doesn't sound quite as glamorous as the Cannes Film Festival or New York Fashion Week, the inclusion of a D.A. is actually a signifier: true crime is glamorous these days, as you can tell by the obsessive attention being paid to celebrity trials, Martha Stewart's tsuris being only one example.

Finally, there's the phrase "the only guy left in the broker's office is the terrorized party boy Douglas Faneuil." Now probably this Faneuil character is the son of some prominent socialites; otherwise he wouldn't be a "party boy," would he? In any case, the image of some quivering rookie-cum-Master of the Universe "swiftly flipping" (!) to betray the Queen of Clean is priceless.

Something to do

Announcement from the Cartoon Art Museum:

This Friday, Dan Perkins, aka "Tom Tomorrow" and creator of "This Modern World," will appear at the Cartoon Art Museum in San Francisco to talk about his work, answer questions, and sign books. Admission is $4.

If you're interested in attending, please call 415-227-8666, ext. 314 to reserve a seat, or visit the Cartoon Art Museum's web site to learn more about this event.

I just don't get it

I don't understand half of this Village Voice article about a party in New York. For example:

• "Complicating the Friday night fiasco was the abrupt absence of Steven Lewis, the club impresario who recently got out of prison..." The abrupt absence. That's a good trick any day.
• "Lewis quit his consulting position when Plaid owner David Marvisi refused to honor the guest list." There is such a thing as a consultant to night clubs, and the person filling that position was a former nightclub promoter.
• "'We didn't have a bottle crowd,' allows McDaris, a photographer, who moonlights as a promoter at Plaid and Park. 'But that's not what we presented to them.'" What is a bottle crowd? And what does it mean if you say "We were not x, but that's not what we presented to them"? What does "presented" mean in that sentence?
• The guest of honor wrote: "I would urge anyone to avoid that horrid place for f*cking something that a lot of people worked hard on for months setting up..." When he says "for fucking something," I get that he meant "for fucking up something." Maybe they just forgot the "up." But is he saying someone worked for months to put on a book-launch party? What the hell does it take to put on a party in New York, anyway -- do you have to go through the permitting process, or work your way through law school first?

Don't believe hype (including the hype about hype)

One of the first direct conflicts I had with my parents came when I was 10 years old. By then I had already had several years of abject failure at sports and I was starting to get pretty irritated at the way everybody made a big deal about athletics, especially high school basketball (this was a small town in the Midwest, and there weren't many other distractions). One day the local newspaper, the Edwardsville Intelligencer, had a front page story about some high school basketballer.

The sports section was one thing, but the front page? I got so mad I wrote a letter to the editor, saying I was tired of all the attention being shown to sports and that it didn't belong on the front page.

Before sending the carefully handwritten letter, I showed it to my parents. I guess I wanted some compliments about being a ten-year-old with enough gumption (not to mention language skills) to write a letter of protest to a newspaper. But my father, who was in the process of becoming a fearsome grump, handed the letter back to me and forbade me to send it. Didn't explain why, either. But as a pint-sized believer in free speech, I sent the letter anyway -- which they not only printed but answered in the letters column itself. (They explained they just thought it was an important story. Whatever.)

My father was miffed. "Your punishment will be forthcoming," he intoned -- but it wasn't. He never did anything about it, which proved to my ten-year-old mind that he was just a blowhard and that I had been right all along. First in a series of events which taught me the lesson: If you think you're right, then go ahead and do something, and apologize later.

I was reminded of this tender family moment by a story in the Akron Beacon-Journal (link courtesy Romenesko) saying that newspaper readers are sick of front-page stories about basketball phenom LeBron James. As my experience shows, even a 10-year-old can get sick of sports hype; from my adult perspective, I can say, Yes, this adulation of celebrities and obsession with their personalities and personal lives, much less their careers, is a symptom of a sick society. The difference between 1966 and 2003 is only a difference of degree.

Back again

Went on another quick weekend trip, this time to visit my mother in suburban Portland. Nothin' much to report; the rain held off for both our visit and our flights, though it rained a lot in SF while we were gone.

Local news: Google is reportedly hiring as fast as it can, and right before they IPO. Only they're not hiring me.

I have been roped into the tribe.net universe. Are you in tribe.net? If so, I'm waiting for the goodness to descend.

Home Sweet Home

Finally, I've found my desert hideaway. Pre-fab houses are back! Wonder Valley, here I come.

Update: Here's a whole website for mod prefab houses, courtesy BoingBoing.

Openly gay priest becomes Episcopal bishop

Links to stories about Sunday's crucial event:

2 Nov 03 Washington Post: Robinson consecrated

2 Nov 03 Burlington Co. Times: 400 protest nearby

2 Nov 03 BBC News: Excerpts from Robinson's speech at ceremony

3 Nov 03 Telegraph (U.K.): Diatribes mar consecration service

3 Nov 03 Guardian: Archbishop of Canterbury's statement

3 Nov 03 NY Times: African Anglicans express anger

4 Nov 03 Christian Science Monitor: A revolt in some pews (analysis)

4 Nov 03 Guardian: Gay bishop insists church will survive

Watch for updates as more stories are posted.

Liberal Christians raising hell

Just so you don't get the idea that the Episcopalians are the only Christians pushing the envelope, two pieces in the new National Catholic Reporter, the voice of the American RC church's liberal wing, are worth noting. St. Louis columnist Jeannette Cooperman writes:

The people streaming into the community center treat their medicines and herbs the way pagans treat fire; alchemists treat the philosopher’s stone; Catholics treat the Blessed Sacrament. One after another, they tell the pharmacist how they store their prescriptions, and they all emphasize that the cabinet is cool and dark, safe from sunlight and bathroom humidity. ...Even the most careful medicine takers are not sure exactly what they’re taking, how it works, why it was prescribed. Still, they insist that they “take it religiously.” Pills are, in ways both subtle and overt, replacing prayer.

And Joan Chittister, feminist and perhaps the country's most famous Benedictine nun writer, writes on food politics:

"No one," Woodrow Wilson wrote once, "can worship God or love his neighbor on an empty stomach." No one, Wilson was warning us, can possibly be the kind of person -- the kind of citizen--we all like to think we're developing in this country: God-fearing and kind, law-abiding and civil. Hunger, by this measure, is as much a political lesson as it is a social one. Too bad we seem to be forgetting it.

Story of the day

Associated Press, 4 Nov 03

Amorous ram blamed for mysterious high-frequency signals

LONDON (AP) -- A mysterious transmission that baffled British intelligence analysts for days was caused by a ram rubbing up against an aerial mast, a government agency said Tuesday.

Scientists at Government Communications Headquarters in Cheltenham, western England, an intelligence-gathering station, were baffled by strange high-frequency noises coming from Scarborough signal station in Yorkshire, northeastern England.

GCHQ's in-house paper, the Daily Observer, said the noises were unlike anything staff had encountered before and an investigating team initially thought they were coming from spies or aliens.

Their investigation found the signal only happened in the day time, went across all the high-frequency bands and only Scarborough aerials could pick it up.

Eventually, investigators discovered that a ram was rubbing its horns against the aerial masts "in between servicing some local ewes," the paper said.

"It's possible the ram was attracted to the mast which may have given off some kind of tingling sensation, but it was probably just a post to rub against," said GCHQ spokesman Bob McNally.

Hey, it's a no-lose situation

The Democrats want to blame Mr. Bush for a weak economy that may be finding its step just in time for next year's election, while Mr. Bush is confronting the possibility of campaigning against a backdrop of American casualties and chaos in the war he began.

That's from a story from Tuesday's NY Times. Way I see it, either the economy stays in the toilet and Bush loses, or the economy gets better and a lot of people get jobs. Talk about a no-lose situation.

Of course, the real bummer would be if the economy improves just enough for some people to get jobs, who then vote for Bush, who then appoints seventeen right-wing Supreme Court justices. That's what I'm afraid of.

Much as people look askance at the putative Iraqi quagmire, I doubt it'll tip the balance against Bush. The only war-related thing that would really turn a lot of public opinion against him would be if he reinstituted the draft.

Meme of the month (or probably last month)

I just noticed this a couple days ago: Bleeding-edge hipsters and bloggers are using "teh" (sic) instead of "the" as a definite article -- or sometimes simply as a sort of emphasis. Some examples:

darquerchylde ("Tears for teh nooner... He is possibly needing a new wife at teh moment")

Ultimate Fan Fiction Central (Over the top, utterly crazy intentional misspelling)

Marin's webpaeg (sic -- this guy is very into transposing letters in words)

Zone H ("truelier and she are teh same person")

alanafish ("She's so teh whore")

I'm at a loss as to what's up with all that. The completely insane level of intentional misspelling on the Fan Fiction Central page suggests it's simply an anarchic burst of bratty energy. But the use of "teh" in the phrase "she's so teh whore" seems to be less of a misspelling of "the" and more of a qualifier, as if someone who is "so teh whore" is somehow more of a whore.

You may be wondering what I was doing on all those weird adolescent sites. Actually I found them on Google after noticing "teh" used on BoingBoing this morning ("Choire has teh funny"). I saw it last week somewhere else, and thought it was just a typical typo -- but after seeing it used on BoingBoing, where nothing is unintentional, I knew something was up. But what??

Something to do

I'll be out of town, but I recommend this performance on Saturday, for those who like strange sounds and new music:

Pamela Z
(with special guest Kinji Hayashi)

Saturday, November 8, 2003, 9pm
21 Grand (449B 23rd Street in Oakland)

Pamela Z will perform an evening of works for voice, electronics and video. The evening will include short solo works for voice, processing, and samples, excerpts from large-scale performance works, improvised works, and duets with special guest Butoh artist Kinji Hayashi.

Pamela Z is a composer/performer who makes solo works combining a wide range of vocal techniques with electronic processing, sampled sounds, and The BodySynth gesture controller. She has also composed scores for dance, film, and new music chamber ensembles. Her audio works have been presented in exhibitions at the Whitney in NY and the Diözesanmueum in Cologne. She has toured throughout the US, Europe, and Japan in concerts and festivals including Bang on a Can, the Japan Interlink Festival, and Other Minds. She has received numerous awards including the CalArts Alpert Award, the ASCAP Award, and the NEA/JUSFC Fellowship. She recently gave performances at the Venice Biennale (9.21.03) and at the Reina Sophia Museum in Madrid (10.25.03). For information on Pamela Z, visit www.pamelaz.com

Kinji Hayashi was raised in Tokyo, Japan. A solo Butoh dancer since 1991, has collaborated with numerous artists and groups such as Inkboat, Polish Theater director Miroslaw Kocur, San Francisco playwright Helen Pau , the Asian American Theater Company ,Theaterworks , and Theater of Yugen and has toured with HRG and Harupin Ha in Japan and the US. He has received awards from Dance Bay Area's Commissioning Project, Zellerbach Family Fund, City of Oakland Cultural Arts Division, the Pritzker Foundation, and the American Composers Forum. Caring for turtles is a source of his inspiration in this fast-paced world. www.inkboat.com/inkbio/biokinji.html

An hour out of time

With Katia to see a performance of Arvo Pärt's choral work Kanon Pokajanen, a gorgeous multi-harmonic modern setting of an Orthodox text (that link has the text in English, but the work is sung in Church Slavonic, the liturgical language of the Orthodox church).

Performed by the California Bach Society in the rotunda of St. Gregory's, the work sounded wonderful. The soloists were especially good in that intimate setting. After my long day travelling -- I got up at 2:15 a.m. California time to fly back from Chicago -- I struggled a little against sleep during the first half of the work, but then woke up and fully enjoyed the rest of it. I felt like I could hear every harmony from the inside out.

What a treat it was to see that, and to have dinner with Katia afterward. We hadn't talked in some time.

Back to Sodom

I'm back from a lightning trip to Chicago. In less than 36 hours, two nights of sleep included, Cris and I went to three museums, a play, mass at the cathedral, and had a great dinner at a restaurant called Hillary's Urban Eatery. It was really good!

Then up at 4:15 this morning to catch a nicely empty flight, with plenty of room to stretch out, back to San Francisco. But United has a new pay-for-your-meal plan. Seven dollars got me a cold, stale Asiago cheese bagel, some sundried tomato cream cheese, about four ounces of vanilla yogurt, and four strawberries. Not worth it -- but what was the alternative? One banana -- that was it! A scandal. On the other hand, I was already flying free with my f.f. miles, so can I really complain? Yes, because this is the World Wide Web, the world's biggest complaint desk!

Here's a cool feature article to accompany the opening of the Diane Arbus show at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art.

Back to Gomorrah? No thanks

Because I'm crazy, I register on all kinds of weird websites that any ordinary people should stay away from. Like Classmates.com, an elaborate scam designed to collect email addresses and lifestyle information under the guise of connecting alumni of high schools and colleges. For free, you can put your name and a few biographical facts (or fantasies) on their site, so that other pathetic dweebs from your school can find you. But if you buy a premium membership, you get much-expanded "biographical" pages where you can put up lots of evidence that, no matter how long it's been since high school, you are still a total loser. What fun!

Because my (shudder!) 30th high school reunion is coming up, I have received several automated emails, ostensibly from a member of my class, one Chet Hawkins. Back then he was a good-natured, somewhat goony looking footballer. (Then again, back then I was a crabby geek who labored in crypto-fag organizations like the choir and the drama club.) Chet tells me (and everyone else registered on the fateful site from our class) that a 30th reunion is being organized and I should be sure to stay tuned for news.

Well, I've tried hard on this site to defame that horrifying collection of split-level houses called the Clear Lake (Tex.) area, not only by explaining that the filthy, violent pornography I've published was, in part, all about revenge fantasies based on my hatred of the place, but I've also tried to save news articles about how horrible the place is -- in fact, it's even more horrible now than it was then. Back then, the worst thing that happened was a drunk driver going off the road. Now it's vile mass murders, chief among them being the infamous incident a few years ago in which that psychopathic housewife killed all her kids, but also including comical, run-of-the-mill, tabloid-worthy husband-killings and wife murders.

So I don't have a huge urge to go back there to, like, see the place. And I definitely don't feel like going back to justify my meagre existence to my classmates. Oh, you own your own empire of Chevy dealerships? That's neat, Biff! Me? Oh, I'm a part-time church secretary.

Yeah, sure, I totally want to go back there for a high school reunion!

Appalling use of a pumpkin

This is just the sort of thing that makes you embarrassed to call yourself a Christian. I mean really. The insides of the pumpkin "represents the sin in our life." Well, Emmalea (!!), I got your pumpkin sins right here. Haven't you ever heard of pumpkin pie? I'll bet you just throw away the insides, don't you?

Pathetic.

Privileged youths worship at feet of Eggers

“After watching Dave’s reading, after watching him kick his coat against the lectern, carve out a pair of breasts in the air with his hands, pick at a piece of tape on the stand at least once every five minutes for the duration of the reading…I came away feeling like I knew the guy much more than the other authors I’ve seen this fall,” said Ryan M. Riley ’06.

That's from a Harvard Crimson story (link courtesy Gawker) recounting the Cambridge advent of Gen-Y messiah Dave Eggers. No further comment from me is needed, I think.