Okay.... right

Because it's my birthday, I checked my horoscope in the local paper. I admit I was underwhelmed:

TAURUS April 20-May 20
It's hard to tell if you're getting a thumbs up. That's because the person cueing isn't in a position to help out yet. Proceed cautiously.

Gee, that's... uh, thanks. Actually I have no idea what it means.

So I checked Bob Brezsny, the horoscope carried in most alt.weeklies. It was a little more positive:

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Close your eyes and take yourself back in time to the moment when you slipped free of your mother's womb. Imagine your original breath; recreate the sensation of air rushing into your lungs for the first time. Remember it as the end of your warm, dark, watery existence and the beginning of your sojourn in this bright, dry, spacious world. Dwell in that simulation for a while, Taurus, then consider this: You will soon experience, in a metaphorical way and on a higher level, another first breath. Like the earlier version, it will be both unsettling and vivifying, a time of poignancy and celebration.

Pfff... Well, yeah, but frankly, I'm looking for something a little more lively than just "rebirth." How about a nice corporate opinion? I found one on msnbc.com:

You're on the home stretch now, dear Taurus! Kiss your worries good-bye. Your efforts pay off in spades, as people listen to your advice and bend over backwards to try and please you. Although certain details in your love life still need to be ironed out, it's safe to coast for a while. You've spent months in this process of self-transformation, and you deserve a little rest...

Gee, that would be nice, if everybody just listened to my opinion and then "tried to please me."

We'll see about that. In the meantime, I think I'll just buy a lottery ticket.