'Unholy mess'

Elderly Newsday columnist Jimmy Breslin proves he can still shit-distrub with the best of them by publishing several columns this week on the imbecility of fundamentalism.

"Homosexuals are dangerous," [The Rev. Lou] Sheldon assured me one day. He was a short man with eyes gleaming when he mentioned how bad homosexuals truly are.

"How?"

"They proselytize. They come to the door, and if your son answers and nobody is there to stop it, they grab the son and run off with him. They steal him. They take him away and turn him into a homosexual."

"You should be confined," I told him.

"I speak the truth for the Lord," he said.

"You're a fruitcake," I told him.

"No, I speak the truth. They steal your son."

That's from Breslin's Tuesday column, reflecting on distasteful right-wingers and how they're little different from the guys shooting at Marines in Iraq. The next day, he defended the quotes in the column after interview subject Lou Sheldon denied them, taking the opportunity to print a number of other Sheldon whoopers. And today the editorial staff of Newsday gets in on the act.