Dept. of Tough Love

LIFE IS MEANT NOT ONLY TO BE LIVED, BUT CELEBRATED!
        -- greeting card seen at supermarket this morning

Unless it's their birthday, I can't imagine giving that card to somebody. What's it mean? "Get off your butt, you fucking slacker, and into some self-realization. Stop being so negative about everything and start acting happy. If you can't celebrate your own life, celebrate mine, because it's a lot better than yours, everyone can see that. Just cheer up, or else!"

HE SLAUGHTERED THE WHOLE FRENCH LANGUAGE, BUT SHE WENT OUT WITH HIM ANYWAY
        -- slogan on a Gap billboard, next to a photograph of a woman (torso shown only) wearing a green sweater

"At Gap, we know you have low self-esteem to the point of anorexia -- that's why we love you, because that's the only way to make our clothes look good. So date that poser you met at the Truffaut festival last night -- you deserve nothing more!"